Dr. W's Space Travels
2020-06-03 00:54:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Doesn't Solve Racism

Dr. Wood XVII

The past two days have certainly been interesting. I’ve come to realize that FB is turning into a scary place for me. I find myself absorbed in it more than ever, and it leaves me feeling so conflicted inside. Too many things going on, to state it simply. Man I feel like I should first talk about all the stuff that I’ve seen today before divulging all my thoughts. But it’s so much work… okay I’ll do it. Today I saw: a press release from my home county’s commissioner spreading false info about BLM and being quite racially charged; a video of rioters attacking people in cars and a business owner; a video of a black woman voicing out against the atrocities of the rioters; an article about the removal of a Robert E. Lee statue in Virginia; and, that’s all I can recall at the moment. Okay it’s thoughty time.

My good buddy Joe tagged me in a post about the above press release and asked me and many others who lived in that area before if we could sign a petition to get the commissioner to resign. So far there are over 20,000 signatures. My first reaction to getting tagged was “oh crap, I have to make a big decision now”. This led me to doing some more research on the press release, seeing people’s comments and seeing what the petition would do. Subsequently, I paced around my house with my mind in a daze. But after thinking about it, I made a bit of sense of my feelings. My inclination is to include my signature on the petition. I think the press release was – well I mentioned it above. Plus it was just highly unprofessional, accusatory, and not something that represents me (and probably most people). There’s something that keeps me from doing it, though. I think I’ve pinpointed it – I haven’t actively stood against something before. Standing for something is relatively easy – it’s positive and it’s constructive. Building something up generally doesn’t lead to hard feelings. But standing against something is a lot tougher. It takes more courage. I’m aware of my limits on courage and I’m faced with a decision now to either stand against it in an active manner, or let the world handle it. I’m often the observer type because I yearn to be as objective as possible. But in doing that, I miss the human aspects of things. At the same time, I like to be objective because it allows me to be most receptive to the facts. This is really tough for me. I realize I’m speaking whatever comes to mind, and I know it sounds pretty choppy. I think I’m afraid to take a stand against something because I’m afraid of what the other side has to say. There are some people who back the commissioner on what he said, for example. Though I’m inclined to strongly disagree with them, is there at least some merit to what they say? The reactive or very confident answer might be “no”. Maybe for the most part that’s right, too. I just can’t help but think though that I could be missing something by not considering the other side, even if it’s so diametrically different to my personal values. There’s also a bit of peer pressure – I don’t wanna let anyone down, particularly Joe since he tagged me, by not taking action. And I don’t really like to be told what to do. But like I said before, this problem transcends my pride and inconvenience, and I understand that. And I do support action against the injustice of the system. This is really difficult and stressful.

My next thought is about the riots. I’m very scared by the riots. I think that’s a natural reaction to them. I see people post on FB about how some people will voice out about the protests but not about the racial unfairness. I can feel the frustration in that – it does undermine the deeper struggle. Speaking from my humanness, though, I can say that the riots put me in more fear than the police brutality, probably thanks to white privilege. That’s just me facing my initial, truest biases on the matter. It takes some broader thinking and empathy to see the long-fought racial struggle as the thing to be truly angry about. In this sense, I really do feel for the cause. I know I keep going back and forth on this, but in spite of thinking this way, I still find myself in fear of destruction caused by the riots. By the way, I do want to make it a point that I refer to riots as riots and protests as protests. Protests are great and I support them. Riots are scary. In facing my truest feelings, a recurring thought that I have is a bunch of people breaking into my home and destroying everything. It’s a pretty unfounded fear and I haven’t yet heard of people’s homes being broken into in light of this, but the thought is there. This place is like a sanctuary to me and it’s a source of so much of my joy. As someone who puts a lot of value into the material, it would devastate me to see it in shambles. Like, it actually makes me want to cry at the thought. That’s why I’d rather die than see my home burned to the ground or something like that. A bold statement that I would probably take back if it actually happened, but I’m fine with speaking rashly here and there if it’s within my safe zone of writing.

Man, this situation has me using so much of my brain meats. I took the term “brain meats” from DashieGames, who has been an incredible source of comic relief for me. Game Grumps too, they’ve been so great during the pandemic and during this time. Big shout out to my brother Eric, and my dad, who have been great to talk to in order to step away from the stress. Shout out to my dear friend Ulli who has been incredible and with whom I’ve been able to exchange thoughtful insights with, and who has been extremely uplifting in this time. Shout out to wonderful friends like Yohana, Yanni, Aderina, etc. too, as I can always rely on them for utter kindness and open-mindedness. Shout out to Pokemon, whose company has made me smile from a post about donating $100,000 to NAACP and $100,000 to BLM. That just… elated me. Shout out to Hulu, VRV and KissAnime for easing my stresses with good watches. I’m still watching Hinamatsuri, along with Aikatsu Stars and To Love Ru – couldn’t survive without shows like these! I’m sure many more shout-outs are due, but for now I’ll just leave it at that. It’s time to go to bed soon anyway. I’m sure I’ll have more to share about in a later post.

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