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Dr. W's Space Travels
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2020-06-01 00:52:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Becomes God

[WARNING: Code Geass spoilers ahead]

Dr. Wood XVI

Man if I survive 2020 I’m gonna be able to contribute some ethnographic gold to the imaginary archive that I’m envisioning. It’s just been a string of crazy events lately. Right now we’ve got protests going on in plenty of cities surrounding the death of George Floyd. It’s interesting how we’re going through what Hong Kong went through last year – protests followed by an epidemic. Although for us it’s the reverse – a pandemic followed by protests. As an obligatory context for my pseudo-diary entry (okay no I just need to flat-out admit this is a diary… nothing wrong with that, right?), there have been peaceful protests and violent protests. By “violent”, I mean more so to stores and such. I don’t think anyone has been hurt yet by the protesters. I’m not sure about the other way around – I think tear gas was used in some instances. I’m probably missing some major details but I’m not a keen researcher on things like this.

So do I start this entry by stating what my position is on the matter? I’ve seen too many dang FB posts about people’s stances… it’s so overwhelming. At the same time, I feel like I should write my thoughts somewhere so that I can one day go back and relive my anxiety. Okay that’s just a bit of comic relief, I needed it personally. Anyway, I’m all for combating the injustice and I’m okay with protests. Looting is a no-go in my book, though. I’ve seen some people mention that it’s kinda what it takes for the message to get across, but I disagree. I think it convolutes the message and leaves both parties with higher animosity towards each other. I would venture to say that the majority of protesters are indeed going about their business peacefully. But some are resorting to the vandalism and the looting and such. As someone who already projects feelings onto inanimate objects, it pains me to see that kind of stuff taking place as is. Coupled with the notion that it’s simply violent behavior and conveys more malice than justice, it’s really not something I can agree with. If Maido was trashed, it would leave the worst taste in my mouth. It would probably cause my deeply-buried biases to take over and just condemn the protesters all together. Which I would obviously (hopefully obviously, at least) not do since I am of sound mind right now. But Maido is my baby. Same with the Yestercades of Somerville. The selfish side of me (which is quite everpresent, I must say) would take over and I’d just be really reactive about the situation. I guess I’m just speaking on behalf of my theoretical self if I was in the shoes of a retailer affected by the destruction. I have to restrain myself from thinking I truly understand how people feel, so really all I can offer is how I feel, and how I think I would feel in a situation. I can also say that some people have voiced concern that those standing against the protests are more vocal about that than about the initial incident. I guess I could agree that there’s been more said about the protests lately, but I think the reason for that is there’s been more controversy over that than over the killing. From what I could tell, most people could sympathize with George Floyd and the black community when the killing happened, though there’s more of a rift when it comes to the protests. Plus, the protests are ongoing. Oh, and it doesn’t help that this is ALL happening during a pandemic. Good grief this is turning out to be some year!

I’ve put effort into challenging myself to be objective during this period of adversity. For one, though, “objective” is a bit hard to achieve when there is so much emotionally-driven sentiment in the air. And I get it – it’s something that understandably has elicited emotional responses in all areas of the spectrum. There’s so much to be angry about, and I have to remember that people have the right to express their anger. It’s good to express it, so long as it’s in an unhostile way. And I have to remind myself to understand that objectivity isn’t always feasible, reasonable or relevant for someone to have when something like this happens. And I don’t mean to undermine what people have said out of anger as if invalidating their words. There’s merit to what everyone is saying. There’s a lot I could say on this but it’s just… it’s so overwhelming. I can’t find a better word for it. My FB feed is blowing up with this stuff… and I get why, I truly do. But it’s a lot. Oh, one thing I wanted to add to something I said earlier – I mentioned that there are people that feel that the looting is in a deeper sense justified. And if I think about it, I think I can understand what they’re saying, though I still disagree with it personally. Because my life is anime and it’s the only way I can relate my life to world matters, I’m going to make an allusion to a gem known as Code Geass. Yeah, I realize it’s a bit crude to make a connection like that, but I don’t care. My diary (yep, I’ve officially admitted it…) is my safe zone, and if someone reads it, let it be known that I will speak as transparently as I want, with any method that I want. Oh, but don’t read on if you don’t want spoilers. Anyway, what really captivated me about Code Geass was how Lelouch Lamperouge (Zero) consolidated the evils among Britannia and the resistance under himself, and then had Suzaku kill him to rid of the one remaining evil. Absolutely brilliant if you ask me. But in order to get to that point, he had to commit some very questionable feats, and he was responsible for the deaths of many. The idea at the end, though, was that peace was attained. I hypothesize that Brittanian textbooks would later talk about the tumult and everything that transpired, and how it led to the peaceful period. It’s one of those “greater good” things, I guess. As a spectator, I can admire Lelouch’s work. As an innocent adversely affected by something he did or an act he sanctioned, though, I would not have the conscience to agree with his actions.

Something I realized today was that I seem to cope with overwhelming controversy by assuming a sort of god complex. Oh, I mentioned something about solipsism in a previous entry (err, session… oh man I just said “entry” which reaffirms this being a diary!) – so now we’ll get to see that in action! When I pretend that I am the only one that matters in the world, I feel at ease. It’s not a lifestyle, I promise! I value all the lives that I come into contact on a daily basis! But I must remind myself – this is my safe zone, so all thoughts and feelings are welcome. I will reserve all disclaimers starting now. So yeah, putting myself above all the madness and looking down on the humans attempting to make sense of this mess is so weirdly reassuring. As I say in one of my songs: “I guess the world ain’t so bad when you live in a world of your own.” I realize that doing this can be detrimental in the sense that I’m not being vocal about the injustices. But I truly feel like there’s enough vocalizing going on now. Instead, I’m going to continue to love all irrespective of race, gender, orientation, etc. There are little things that I can do to reinforce that. I don’t think being vocal about the issues is my calling. I am a passive person, and I am okay with that. I think I can still make a difference that way. I play god part-time for my own mental health – my main job is still to make an impact where I can. So I intend to do so. And that makes me feel better too.

I hope this’ll be my last bit about this stuff, although it felt good to get it all down on paper. Just to lighten the mood a bit, I’m loving Hinamatsuri – it’s a great balance of funny and wholesome. I love Anzu, I love Hitomi, and I can’t help but love Hina even though she’s incredibly lazy and has destroyed way too many vases (even if by accident). My story is going pretty well after a writer’s block of a few days. Chapters 3 and 4 are gonna be the toughest ones, I think. It’s where my internal draft is foggiest. I haven’t done much music lately, but that’s all right. Very much looking forward to my four-day weekend coming up, although I constantly must remind myself to enjoy the four days of the week coming up too. Every day is a party. Every day is a celebration.


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