If I die today
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2021-06-22 07:05:39 (UTC)


Still adjusting to this computer. Weather is gettin hotter its gonna be the nature this week so staying hydrated is harder exspeciall with DTE so I'm on 1/2 tsp today and slowly increasing over my 10days but I bumped it up today so in a day or 2 another bump up. Anyhow I slept from about 1ish to 245 when the dog woke me up from my nap yesterday. Which is the next point i think pot may be making me a little more tired and deyhdrating too but IDK. Last nights sleep was from betwenn 9 and 10 till 5am took melation close to 9 still one pill . I've ate drank cofee and ran a littl this morning already. Soone btter get on these chores thats a few dishes since we made mashed potoes, gravy (nDea's jar) homemadechicken strips and corn last night. We were both tired but nDea does a lot of outside work and helped his boss after work for like an hour on his side job. I'm just tired guess thats just who I am. so I'm starting to understand in little bits and pieces physical objects and curses one thing that I think about is the lday who touched jesue's robe then when people who touched paul or things he touched were blessed. so I think its possible to bring blessing and curse thru objects. so when someone warns of a curse item its probaly something to take seriosuly but as far as blessing theres oppruinty in that if walking inpowered by the LORD. The other thing I'm thinking about is self control and atustism and "meltdowns" Watching Dr. Phil this week a dad commented about how a meltdaown of his sone changed thier plans. The thing is IDK how much control is in a meltdown I know when I've had bad feelings sometime s or cant get over a hump I dont know if I qualify to cal any of my expeirce a meltdown but I have felt out of control. One of the fruits of the spirit is self control. All this mental illness and stuff where people are outta control is sorta suppousios considering that facct but IDK what to think I know I'm lost and have been lost and I've had ifluences not of GOD run something in my life and I've been controled by stuff . but thats a long convorsation. Today I have not much to offer well I have this computer but I doubt it matters where it goes beyond my life. this is sorta a weird hard diary since well Im planning on living to 125 plus the fact that I get soo off topic and carried away and literally this isnt a pen and paper and something abut that connection is special and neesary. Whichg reminds me i've been wondering how long its been since I physcially wrtoe and think like dam theres not even a pen and paper in this house well its true yesterday nDea thought he needed a pen it was a dam newar 15min search and in the bootom of my purse was one but thats all we could find. Kinda sad and i want to write so I have to think about that and I do think in some way writing used to profit my prayer life even if I get a little whack maybe it reminds me to focue and maybe it keeps me on attention IDK something was making it easier to pray by writing. Well theres gonna be chores to do and i want to watch tv drink coffee and finshis my grapes before I start to get things done.

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