Bias, preferences, and compliments.
So I saw this one Pinterest post that I relate to about instantly rejecting compliments, sure that they're lying. It made me think about the reasoning behind that so, of course, I turned to google and found an article. Apparently, for people with low-self esteem, it's a matter of 'cognitive dissonance' where you conclude that either that person is lying or you're wrong about yourself. In my case, everything the people around me say is the result of bias and personal preference that could've been altered/modified by that bias.
For example, I have my family that occasionally give me compliments on certain achievements or minor things. I literally cannot believe anything they say and it all sounds exaggerated, both because of my own self-view, and the fact that they are biased, whether they think so or not. To them, of course their sister/daughter would seem great. That connection is what I completely believe clouds their vision, therefore making them a source of compliments that only they themselves could believe without a doubt.
Outside of my family, I have the small community that has watched me grow up until now. So I can't just take anything they say at face value either. I feel that it's slightly painful to not have a completely unbiased opinion I can lean on. Even an opinion from myself can't be taken seriously because, bro, it's me.
And when all that frustration at not have an objective perspective on myself builds up, I, once again, come up with the great idea of just taking each and every word and compliment I'm fed at face value. But that would make me vulnerable and naive, right?
But there is the possibility of no longer being so self conscious of any move I make in public. Oh, but what if I make a fool of myself, acting as though I really am 'all that'?
Then again, what's wrong with being free spirited in a world where people have already begun thinking less and less of other people. By that, I mean, who cares?
What if I become a narcissist? Is that even possible with the low-self esteem I have at the moment? Low self esteemists can have superiority comlexes though.
You know what. I don't care. I can just redirect those who think I'm a fool to my parents that fed into my tom foolery and/or false ideas. I'll just describe myself based on the things others have said just so I can have the luxury of knowing I'm not lying, based on that one person's preferences.
I know one thing about myself. I'm way to dependent on the thoughts of people that I don't know, probably never will know, and are completely irrelevant to my life story.