Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2021-06-20 19:11:28 (UTC)

Seeing Another Side?/Why Irritation Is Among My "Brighter" Emotions!

[Written June 16th, Wednesday]:
I'm trying to write every day even though there's nothing to write about. I've lost everything that maybe... A lot of people never even have at all. I feel like I have so much less than everyone because I lost everyone that ever really loved and cared about me. What if these people who have people in their lives, still don't have love and care from them? That's almost sadder than what I'm going through. It actually is sadder... they are surrounded by people (perhaps), but ultimately, incredibly alone. I'm actually alone, but I did at one time, have all the love they must crave. Then, people with their cliche of 'Learn to love yourself.' That's all those people can do in that situation. As for me, it's actually easy for me to love myself when I had people that loved me so very much. They actually taught me to love myself. Who is there to teach these unloved people?

Wow. This revelation I had, doesn't make me happier, but what it does is ground me. Also, while numbness is often fantastic, my constant irritation at work today was at least a step up from complete despair. Me, being constantly irritated is me trying my best. I'm not suppressing my emotions, entirely, but they aren't worse than that irritation... or if they are, they're not being outwardly expressed nearly as much. Irritation can very well be part of Grief and oddly... one of the more positive aspects of it. There are such worse emotions than mere irritation.


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