legacy

If I die today
2021-06-20 05:43:20 (UTC)

this is new

The chrombook died suddenly went to turn it on days ago and it was unresponive getting prompty to best buy the soonest appt was yesterday. well here I am with a new windows laptop. Turns out bb isn't allowed by google to repair chromebooks bc they are a dime a dozen and the repairs arnt worth it. Im selfishly struggling with the budget did pay the atty the requested 500 then I bought this computer for a little more than what I had set aside for repair but I think ill be happy with it. Todays the day I sign up for essectrics streaming excersice bc I woke up with a stiff back at like 430 man I hurt and since I have a working device and of course I can get it on tv Im going to start my free 14day trail and do the 15 a month going to sweet talk my man into getting me an excesice mat or taking me. Todays fathers day I called mom to talk about my computer and totally did relaise what day it was but to be fair even right now its only just before 7a so whatever but I texted and he will call me. I'm regreting being selfish in life and Im starting to feel greedy and still having concerns I may be the social or phsycopath so I want to love and give freely but I gotta cut out my self seeking. can I do it? and my greed I cannot sustain this lifestyle much longer and need to not mooch off my love so I want to change and if today I had an obituary I would be ashamed of what I am. How to make life matter I need urgent humbling and truth . one thing at a time. Prime day is a temption I almost thought this computer crash coulda been gods protection from that and then well I bought this dam computer. For a low tech off grrid wanna be I sure do love my computers I was lost there for a day or 2 without it. I need to change. Urgently slefishly (the irony in that) for me. For my soul. IDK what living for the LORD looks like and Im scared and worried and I dont wanna loose nDea. Oh anyhow today I started 1 fourth of a tsp on DTE. I'mdoing 10days again and starting to clean up my date the cleaning up will come with more grocery shopping to soo. I'll be done by the 4th so I suppose I can get drunk and eat chips lol. Why why am I so lame. and I drank 1 truly iced tea last night it was nasty but I put my money in it so so I dam sure finished it I also bought a box of wine I didnt open. The weather is increasing to triple digits these next few days so with the DTE and the heat I need to be on my game about hydrating. Im thankful I did get some help with getting a new computer and that I got that efund for the appt that is taking the edge of the sting outta my "budget" poor me. Oh I got approved for nDea's lease so its just me and him I got added Friday. Anyhow Im also still amazed with nDea and that in this world I have found a real man. Granted he has faults but the defination of man is in him and I still cant beleive it. In this gender mixed up world. nDea groomed the dog yesterday he looks good and its so helpful I like it and its good for the dog mostly so thankful for that and open commuctions withmy sister nutty as it may be and what it is least we have this openness we wouldnt have had not for out crazy mixed up beliefs and consipirices. Well thats enough for now.


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