༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
The layers of my being shift and rumble,
As the squabbles outside my door
Drone on into the humid days of June.
Nightfall comes, and what was a might roar
Abruptly breaks into silence and longing.
"Don't worry, it'll all be over soon."
I hear the train on the other side of town,
Chugging through the gasping remains of a living ghost town
Where stifled, broken sobs have become a bitter wail.
Windows of the soul are shattering to dust
Crunching under the feet of every day doings
And glittering in the light of a love born in hell.
The fires of the last days have already come
Raging through every nook, cranny, high and byway
As eyes tentatively lift to meet their shadows gaze
The angel of death came for the first born,
With a throng of ancestors at every able ear
Screaming an unseen vengeance until they carry the death on their face.
The layers of my being still shift and rumble
As morning songbirds delight my weary heart
With ballads of visionaries, sweeping revolutions, and absolute madness.
The layers of my being shift and cackle
As the little girl with big dreams appears,
The young rebel with a voice is felt deep inside my chest.
The broken young woman lays down her veil
Beside the broken illusions of lovers, friends, and shallow truths,
Both unwilling and unable to remain covered.
The paranoid and frantic addict
Connects to her truth once again
And every breath becomes a treasure well savored.
The woman I am now flickers violently in and out,
Caught between everything I was, am, and long to be,
But she reaches out her hand to each girl.
Her layers shift and rumble
As the selves begin to dance as one
In sync with whispering waters as the turning tide shakes the world.
I’m on 118 days sobriety and self harm free today.
The storms have finally passed till Sunday.
I’m doing laundry, my boys stuff, clothes, bed sheets, etc.
I was bedding weekly.
Including the blankets and comforters, etc.
Pets bedding as well. They get vacuumed daily. All five cats get brushed weekly. Nails trimmed weekly.
I slept decent once I fell asleep around midnight.
Was up my usual 430.
Caught the morning pink sky.
Then it changed by 5 and got foggy.
Replugged everything in and grabbed my morning smoke and coffee.
Ventured outside for my morning walk.
It’s just about that time to get the kid up and head to school.
Then will come home, grab more coffee, another short walk, check the yard for down trees and branches, vacuum the house, and so on.
I ordered not her 4 inch gel memory mattress topper for my 18 inch platform bed. Should be in today. It’s a cooling one to regulate my body temperature at night. Super nice.
I’ve got to break on spending. I’m hitting that lowest amount I want. I keep myself on a budget.
If I said, my lowest balance is 5000$, and I deposit and pay all my bills, and there’s 5700$ left after bills, I have 700$ to play with, even if I don’t spend it.
That’s how I keep my budget in check.
Will order a few more pair of under armor pants for my kid and a few other things for me and the house.
I gave my kid some PlayStation cash last night for rocket league. He didn’t deserve it but made him earn it by cleaning his bedroom….and he did.
It’s that time, school.
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