Tati

Happy Wednesday I think

I never did 'come back to reality'. Real life is boring. And gloomy. And annoying. And plain. Filled with people that will inevitably irritate you to know end as you're still trying to deal with yourself and you problems. People that have their own lives and emotions and thoughts. Too complex to comprehend and too annoying to acknowledge. There's no background music in the real world. No dramatic pauses filled with emotional orchestra songs. No comic relief or commercial breaks. And no resets or pauses. No respite from your poor mental health. It's quiet and never silent enough at the same time. Just enough noise to make me never want to come out of my room.

I think that I'm really just trying to escape it. Escape the silence as well as the noise. Get away from the social interaction expects of me. But I know. Soon enough, I'll be force into it anyway. I don't want to grow up. Call me lazy but, all that crap seems like too much work just to get some boring job I'll slave away at for the rest of my life.

I mean. None of it seems like it matters anyway. My negative outlook on life and my negative self-view. None of it matters in the grand scheme of things. My thoughts. My emotions. My actions don't really mean much at this point either. It's just me. Me who has meant and still means nothing. I come to this conclusion, and yet I still am a socially anxious person who acts as if embarrassment and the cringing of others will kill her. It really doesn't matter.

I want a cat.
Wait it's Thursday 💀💀