Songbird System

Raven
2021-06-14 10:08:41 (UTC)

Never Once

Well, um, I'm stressed. Go figure. My family is making it worse. What a fucking surprise.

So yeah, Morgan and mom are really bad at making people feel better. Because they keep fucking triggering me. When they're like trying to help I think? I don't know. It certainly doesn't feel like it. And whenever they try, I legit want to cut myself. And starve. I haven't done those things, but, oh my fucking God, is it so fucking tempting. God, this is a good time to be fucking stubborn about the whole don't harm myself thing I got going on. Because oh my God do I fantazise about cutting myself and how good it would feel. But then I remember I hate being in pain and my brain is just being a dick. Self harming is never worth it. I realize that still at least.

Morgan is trying to make me talk to her more about secrets. Because 'we're twin sisters who used to tell each other everything.' Well, gee, I would sure love having some of those memories. Like she sent me a whole ass paragraph about me not telling her my fucking secrets is hurting her. Morgan, that is literally none of your fucking business. You hurt me too many times for you to be trusted again. I don't trust you. I'll never trust you. Stop it. And oh my fucking God whenever people are like BUT WE'RE FAMILY I want to projectile vomit on their fucking face.

And my mom is like 'GO DO SOMETHING KALEIGH' and is like get over it, I was hit by my own father growing up. Which, um, isn't a way to make people feel better. Telling that that they should do something extremely triggering for them WHICH IM TRYING TO FUCKING DO BUT KEEP FAILING BECAUSE OF MY HORRIBLE MENTAL HEALTH FUCKING MOTHER BUT OF COURSE YOU DONT FUCKING SEE THAT YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BITCH and then go on for twenty minutes about your experience with traumatic memories that I have heard eight billion times over. Yes, I fucking know. You told me. Yesterday. Twice. I think I fucking know by now.

I'm just so goddamn frustrated and of course I gotta spend more time with dad. At least I wasn't forced to go to his goddamn birthday party. If that happened, I think I would have legit jumped off a building.




Ad: