The Trash Chute
are you ready for me to blow a very minuscule inconvenience so out of proportion that I will make assumptions about a global challenge we face? if so, hold on to your tits, because here we go!
the apartment complex that I live in has a trash chute. now that I think of it, I've never lived in an apartment complex with a trash chute. I've only lived in places where you take your shit out by hand. so I thought, "oh cool, that'll make life easier". WRONG! that thing is broken at least 90% of the time. and by "broken" I mean that the red light indicating that it has been jammed is on. this means that you can't open the trash chute. I, somewhat offhand mentioned this to the apartment manager and she replied with (and here I might be paraphrasing a bit), "you have no idea the animals that live here. don't you know we're not allowed to discriminate? oh how I wish that we could discriminate. these people. THESE PEOPLE. they shove shit down the trash chute that it was never meant to take!"
so there you have it, thanks to the animals with which I share this building with, the trash chute is always fucked. so that brings me to the next step in blowing this way out of proportion. one of a little bit of soul laundry that I do is to recycle. yeah I watched that PBS thing about how recycling is basically just bullshit but I do it okay? so that means that I wash out my recyclables, collect them and, once a week, go down to the ground floor of the garage and throw my recyclables in the appropriate bin. what did I find there but lo and behold, THESE FUCKING ANIMALS dumped their garbage bags into the recyclable bins!!!
now, I can't even blame them (that much). garbage stinks. you want to get rid of it. for some unknown (probably liability) reason you can't get into wherever the trash chute leads into. so what are people supposed to do with their trash? that's right, act like fucking animals that's what. so now come the histrionics.
I care about climate change. I have come a long way. when I was an (asshole) ahem teenager, I would throw my McDonald's bag right out the window. one time, when we first starting dating, juliann flipped out on me. she's a tree-hugger to the nth degree. so being the jerk that I was and pugnacious I would debate her about climate change. didn't exist. hoax, if so, nobody knows really. but you see, then I grew up. my smooth brain got its wrinkles of wisdom.
so I believe in and care about climate change. I read a lot of books about it and certain things bug me to no end (although I would never voice my annoyance in public) such as throwing away recyclables leaving lights on, etc. and this is where the histrionics come in. if people can't even manage a trash chute and throw all their shit into the recycling then what chance do we have? for some reason, like I did when I was a young douchebag, people take offence that they should somehow care, that they should actually do something.
I am very pessimistic about us being able to get out of the climate disaster that awaits us. at best we can mitigate the fallout. one of the main reasons I'm so pessimistic is china. I remember I once went to a climate change conference with juliann and this girl from china, in the same pugnacious manner that I loved, said, "well the western world fucked everything up, why should china not be able to develop now? it's not fair and we shouldn't have to do anything."
that right there is the reason we're fucked. if the entire world were at the same level and we ALL had to make the same sarrifices then maybe, maybe (but not very likely) we could deal with this. but the way it stands? even if we wanted to, how could we keep china and other developing countries from fucking up the environment? start a war? I mean what really are the options?
there are certain truths to all this. there is NO WAY that EVERYONE can live like the AVERAGE American. we might as well nuke ourselves into oblivion right now and get it over with. that level of consumption is absolutely not sustainable. so what is china striving for? to have the same standard of life as America (of course with authoritarianism and all that good stuff mixed in).
can you imagine if the entire African continent were to obtain the same living standard as America/europe? India? it simply cannot happen for the simple reason that the consequences of climate change will fuck us before it does.
so we can't really keep the rest of the world from developing. the majority of people are too fucking stupid to care. what I love to point to as the most damning indicator that we are fucked is this very sad and somewhat simple solution to climate change. stop having kids. that's right, you want to help the environment, fuck your recycling, your hybrid cars and your vegetarianism. don't have a kid. it makes stark sense. with a kid you are contributing one entire human's worth of waste to this world. but that solution is complete anathema to evolution. and, the greatest part is, let's imagine that there are some real intellectuals, people that care who actually do this. they stop having kids. well guess what happens? they die out and the only ones left are the offspring of the (evolutionarily rational) climate-fuckers.
yeah we are totally fucked.
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