Experienced Life
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2021-06-12 02:15:23 (UTC)

Woke up from multiple nightmares 😱

It's 2AM. I went to bed at a decent hr which is rare for me nowadays and what do I get for doing so? Nightmares!!! A couple different ones too. I know why I got them also. My dreams happen when something brief enters my mind during my waking hrs. So earlier today or a couple days ago, my friend at work said that his Dad was found roaming the streets on the highway. He's old and is one of those people that I guess is losing their minds somewhat. Not sure what you call it but they get lost and disorientated and just wonder off. Last night, Heidi wanted to meet up at a pizza place before the motorcycle races in Auburn. Then a day or so ago, I was thinking of throwing away something in the closet that has been just sitting all this time. It's professionally photographed pictures of my ex wife with the kiddos. I wanted to purge again and to clean my home and inner self too. I felt maybe keeping those pics may be effecting me even though it's sight unseen. Dunno.

So last night or early eve (whatever) I had these nightmares. I was at home and apparently living with my ex wife still. But I already was knowledgable of her affairs. When she came home, I spoke to her and asked why we're even here together. Are we just roommates then? I just had this feeling of disgust that my life was being wasted and that I didn't want to be there. It seriously felt like my life, every minute, just being wasted on someone that I didn't want to be with. I can't shake off the feeling that every min was a wasted min of me not being with the right person in my life. I wanted out!!

Then I recall another scenario where I'm at a pizza parlor. I wasn't eating a pizza but was drinking an iced tea I think. I was looking for someone. Either my friends or maybe my ex wife? I don't recall exactly now but I recall being thirsty and I couldn't find my friends. BTW, when I woke up from my nightmares, I actually was very thirsty and dehydrated. Anyway, I went around the booths where people were eating twice. I even looked in the private room where private parties are held and didn't see whomever I was looking for there. So I decided to leave the pizza place but not before having to walk over a bunch of ice cubes someone spilled (In real life, I actually spilled a couple ice cubes last night as it fell out of the fridge's ice maker and didn't bother to pick up because my hamstrings were hurting and didn't feel like it hehe) .

When I stepped outside, I wasn't familiar with the town I was in. So I walked around. Not sure if I was still looking for someone or my friends. I was walking around with an office chair for some reason. I recall walking on the sidewalk passing very few people. It was nighttime so the sidewalks were not busy anymore. Just walked by two people I think by their car. As I walked passed this house, it was dark and I could hear rustling in the bushes so I sort of ran to clear outta there. That was about the extent of my nightmare.

Then I woke up. Thirsty as heck so the first thing I did was get a big mug, filled it with ice and then water and yes, I dropped a couple ice cubes once again and just kicked it under the fridge. Gulped that ice water down. Then I recall our discussion at work about bringing home our ergo chairs. So that's why I dreamt that nightmare with a chair. Also my friend's Dad. That's why I too was lost experiencing what it feels like to have dementia I think? What crappy dreams I had to have last night. I guess the worse of it is actually feeling how it is to be in that condition of dementia. So sad that people have to live like that or is that even the correct name for it? How the heck are people becoming like that? Is it the processed food and all the stuff we stick into it? I don't know. Didn't research why it's happening. I just know being that way sucks. Also, being in a relationship that is just not healthy is a hundred times worse than being alone.

It's 2AM and it's way too early to have some deep thinking going on especially since I just woke up. However, I can't take my situation for granted. I'm alone but so grateful I'm not stuck in a relationship I can't get out of. Not living with a liar and a cheat. No more feeling of anxiety because the person I am with is unfaithful. I forgot the peace, quiet, and the advantages of being single. I am able to do things that I usually don't have to find time for when I'm with someone. I am more spontaneous in my actions of what to do and when to do it. I actually like that. Not at work but after work and the weekends are for me to do as I please. My rules my way and I enjoy that freedom. As far as getting lost? I don't think so. Been in this City for a long time now. I have my gps in my truck and my phone so there is that.

So even though I had those nightmares and it sucked, I at least wake up to the situation at hand and I'm ever so thankful for what I have now. You know sometimes you're in a bad situation and was thinking or hoping what a nightmare of a life you're in but never wake up because it's reality? Well, this is one nightmare where I did think what I nightmare I'm in and it actually is one. So yeah, I now have a good kick in the butt reminding myself my situation is pretty good. It could be worse. So here I am, after 2AM being able to be thankful for what I have right now. That's all I got at this late hr. I'm going to go and pick up the ice cubes I dropped and for fun, maybe I'll toss some dollar bills around the family room maybe planting the seed for a different kind of a dream in the future. Note to self. Put on my rose crystal before bed.