The Next Chapter
Ad 2:
2021-06-11 09:51:43 (UTC)

He's Making My Dreams Come

It seems right now my life is just boring.

Wednesday, We went to finish signing Corey up for guitar lessons. He will start Monday.

Also, I will start voice lessons. This wasn't my idea. Corey had already paid.

He says; He is making my dreams come true. We've talked about dreams before, and I often have said that I am happiest when I am singing... and sometimes feel like I should be on stage.

The second part of that though.. is that I don't like to sing in front of people because I don't really think that I'm that good..

So this is going to be a push outside of my comfort zone. I'm not that excited about it... but maybe it will help me gain some confidence. We will see.

My painting stuff came in the mail yesterday. I didn't get tobdo much with it. I tried to do one acrylic pour, which would have come out really good. But when I went to use my heat gun, a bunch of dead bugs blew out all over the painting. So I got pissed off and quit for the day.

One thing I did notice though, is that the paint I got is a weird consistency. More on the thin side than I am use too. And it's sticky?
So I'm wondering if it is old? Or they say its premixed.. maybe it's mixed with glue? 🤔 I don't know, I'm going to have to work with it some more.

I didn't make it to the concert last night. I was just too tired. Instead, I stayed home and watched The Conjuring 3 on HBO Max while doing laundry.

While doing laundry I also went through my clothes. I put most of my winter clothes away except for a couple sweat shirts.. just in case we get a freak cold front come through..and that pretty much left me with just work uniforms and pajamas... How depressing.

I need to start shopping for clothes. I just wish that I had someone to go with me. You know, make a day of it. Go out to lunch, stop at Starbucks and then come home and be excited about all the fun we had and all the new things we got.

I'm so sick of being alone.
I got a notification on my phone saying that its been three years since my divorce. And on June 7th, it would have been 25 years with him.

Technically I guess it has been 25 years with him. Ugh.. This is so not how I envisioned my life after marriage.

C says that I have the wrong attitude.. She's a big believer in the Law of Attraction. Which, I'm not doubting that there's something to it.. but I struggle with being positive when nothing is happening.

I actually bought myself a Law of Attraction vision board from Amazon. I thought maybe it would help, but it kind of depresses me more.

They give you this work book to fill out...which I thought was cool until I read the questions, and realized that my life seems to have a lot of holes.

For instance, one question is about What do you want for your family.... Um.. I don't really have a family in my eyes.

I have an ex husband who I wish would go away, and a son... who I also am mildly excited about leaving the nest.

Grandchildren... I'm not ready for those, and I sure as hell don't want anymore of my own.

Marriage... I'm not to excited about that idea either..

School... nope..

All I am sure that I want is to be successful with my artwork. Be able to quit this damn job that I hate, I say, it'd be nice to have someone to share it with... that isn't my ex husband.

Last night Corey called after he got off work. I usually meet him halfway, and we have some mommy son time to just talk. I was tired, and Bryan offered to go instead, and I told him "No, it's fine. I'll go, its kind of our thing."

He made a snide comment back that everything is our thing. To which I snapped back that its not my fault that all he usually does is sit in his room and play video games. He doesn't go anywhere or do anything that neither Corey or I can relate we just kinda live our lives without him.

Suddenly he wants to go out tonight as a "family" for chocolate milkshakes or maybe an icy.. ugh.

Not that I don't want to go out, but I don't wanna go out with

Well..that's life right now.
Hope everyone here is doing well and staying safe.

Thanks for reading.

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