life stories
2021-06-10 17:38:18 (UTC)

Just random things

I really wanna be sad rn but i’m pushing myself not to. I’m about to go workout then i have to make dinner. i’m making scallop potatoes, broccoli and rotisserie chicken. I think after that i will allow myself to get upset. i don’t like when it build up so o have to allow it. i wanna do a tarot reading tonight as well. it’s 5:40 rn. it’s 1:23 past midnight now and i just got finished painting something. i actually hate it this time. my brain is so done i can’t even function. i just feel deep emotional pain which makes it physical for me. i hate feelings why can’t i just shut them off. i’m so used to not having this happen. i cant stop thinking about my friend. i wonder if she’s annoyed of me? or maybe she was just using me for flower? idk all i can think is that she either doesn’t like me or is using me. there’s no way we can feel the same. i wanna text her tmro evening and be impulsive and ask if she wants to hang. i just want to see her again and maybe tell her how i feel. i just can’t think about what will happen if i don’t say anything soon. i guess nothing major but i just feel so impulsive about it. i hate to not have things play out how i want. i don’t want to seem desperate but at this point i am. why do i feel so inclined and forced to continue to pursue this. i’m doing tarot after the gym tmro morning. i just want these emotions to not overwhelm me. i’m just messed up rn and very tired. i’ll update about the tarot i guess.

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