Broken Glass Park
Beware The Pepto Bismol!
My day was awful up until after 1:00 PM. I had the weirdest, worse headache and felt nauseous. I don't know what made those feelings go away, but it took almost 14 hours. I took a bunch of pepto bismol the night before and I know I get this weird headache from it sometimes. If you look up the side effects, nausea is there, but so is anxiety, depression and behavioral changes! I've experienced those, as well! I don't think I did today. My stomach has been fine since about 11:30 last night, but I want to find something that works as well that doesn't do all that! Work was torture until the poison finally left my body, I guess, around 1:30 PM finally.
The only way I can describe it all was like some really bad, weird hangover. That's what it felt like.
I felt so much better my last 2 hours of work, that it seemed like a good, decent day.
Sometimes feeling physically well is enough to make me happy or, at least, content. After you feel really shitty for a little while, you can appreciate feeling "okay," albeit tired. I'm always tired, even when I get enough sleep. That's Grief. It's like Depression, but so much worse. Not to lighten Depression, but if you haven't experienced a bunch of loss of people you most love and care about in the world and basically the only ones who loved and cared about you (my parents and husband), then you are dealing with a bad chemical reaction in your brain. I suppose Grief is the same, but it doesn't seem nearly as easy to fix.
In a way, though, it's not as bad as a breakup. At least, the people that died, didn't leave me on purpose. I don't know what a breakup is like. My boyfriend in junior high and I broke up 5 different times, but that's just dumb junior high shit. I know what unrequited love is, but technically, that's not a loss, as you can't lose what you never had. At this point, I'd rather experience that, than nothing. I feel like I do experience that, to a small extent with Joel (RoomieOfficial). It's crazy to think I love him, since I haven't met him, but I swear he has the samed overall energy as my husband. The things that are different about him, I like a lot, still.
It's funny how I was watching him for so long before I had a crush on him. Like, the obvious person I should have liked a lot was right there, the whole time. Not actually in my life (😞), but I was watching him every day and not just because he had a new video every day. I still have a lot of his videos to watch. He has a lot!
I think he was *too* much like my husband and that was therefore, too sad for me, at first. Let's face it, though, if I end up with someone romantically again, they are more than likely going to be a lot like my husband because... I'm not going to stray too far from the personality of the Love Of My Life.
We were pretty much opposites and sometimes I like guys that are a lot like me, but I get bored of that personality type quick! My husband was a bit stressful, so sometimes I like someone calmer, someone more like me. But, like I said, I get bored of that type, easily.
Joel (Roomie) is supposedly an introvert. He prefers quiet, less crowded places and wants "Apple juice" at parties. Lol. He doesn't go clubbing, really from what he's said. He's an introvert, but he's one of the more social ones. He's on the end of the spectrum of introverts that talk more to people than most other introverts. I'm on the opposite end. I took 2 different personality tests recently and got 99% introvert on one and 100% on the other! Lol.
Okay, I'm just rambling now!