findme3

Brain Mush
2021-06-11 01:13:14 (UTC)

An Extraordinary Entry

Before I begin today's topic I would like to quickly debrief a mistake I made yesterday. Somewhere between all the chaos of last night, my brain had decided that it was Thursday when it was actually Wednesday. So technically, today is the day to be celebrated, not yesterday. I remembered this mistake approximately 5 minutes after I had published the entry but I was too tired to rewrite something so I just left it as is, afraid to delete it and ruin my streak. Despite this mix-up, everything I said yesterday is still very true and I am super happy that I did not give this up in two days. So, with further ado, let's party.

Right now I wanna talk about my struggles with creativity as a social media dowsed teen living through her "different is cool" era. Of course, with all my entries, there was something to trigger my notion on this topic: Tik-Tok! but more specifically, Peaboy3. Peaboy3 is a user on tik tok who exudes such unique creative direction that I can not help to be inspired every time she posts. Today she made a collage of a series of doodles she has in her sketch book which put my own sketch book to shame. I took the time to save her video to my phone, look through each page deliberately, and even use some of them as references in my own art. However, I could not help but be impressed with how spectacular her "sketchbook" was; so much so that it got me wondering how people are able to imagine such pieces in the first place. I ended up spending the morning copying one of my favorite pages in her sketchbook into my own. The doodle was a peculiar blue "mermaid town" with several small houses and a large lagoon accompanied by several other unique details. The drawing was just one of many others that blew my mind and I began to envy Peaboy3 for her ability to create such unique, wacky original art. Most of all, however, I think that I just envied her talent. She may be creative, but that's because she's good at what she does and she practices. I can only imagine how many ugly sketches she kept beneath the surface, away from the public eye. Because of times like these, I need to remind myself that social media is just a constant feeder of extraordinary content, and that is just not humanly possible to live up to those expectations. Sure, I like to sketch, but only a small portion of my attention is spent on drawing while the rest is busy with animating, coding, reading, dancing, playing the piano, exercising, cooking, editing, writing etc. So, to conclude this very long analysis, I think that it's safe to say that creativity is something that comes with skill and practice. This can be good because anyone willing to put in the hard work will be able to achieve extraordinary in that one aspect of life. But on the other hand, it can also be frustrating for people like me who spread themselves thin and expect to be great at everything they do.

As always, many of my problems circle around the same few themes, and in this case, it's how social media continues to elude the bright lights of reality. I now realize that the phrase "social media isn't real" has a much deeper meaning than I had ever taken it to be. As a child, I always understood it to mean that people have the ability to lie about themselves and alter their personalities and appearances to fit an online persona. While this is still true, nowadays, I see the phrase "social media isn't real" to simply mean that being extraordinary isn't real. We, as consumers, are just not exposed to content that shows us how extraordinary isn't normal. As a result, people doubt their self worth and hobbies, the same way I got upset and felt the need to rant about my jealousy. Because of this, we must pay more attention to the real world when we can, and stop comparing ourselves to people online, no matter how enticing it may seem.

Moving on with my day, at 1:00pm a friend of mine picked me up to go to lunch with her at this Mexican place. I had a great time, especially since I hadn't seen her in a while, and I relished being in the company of someone who seems to be on the more fun side of life. She's one of those friends you have outside the friend group too, so I enjoyed hearing about what she's been upto. While at the restaurant I saw a boy from my school who I was vaguely friends with for a while who worked there and we talked for a bit. Idk why but the whole trip with my friend and the interaction with the boy seemed so strangely old of me that for hours afterwards I basked in that weird "holy shit i'm growing up" mood. Nothing special happened but for some reason I reminded myself a lot of my parents when they see a friend in public, or argue with someone else about the food bill.

Anyways after that, a very old friend of mine stopped by with her mom to give us some food since they know my mom hasn't been well. Her mom and mine are very close so we tend to spend our time as a group of four. I hadn't seen her in a while so it was nice catching up and she even helped me begin to create my college list since I haven't gotten around to doing it yet. It was crappy and we made it in 5 minutes so it isn't final, but if I learned anything from our short scouting session, it was that I need to get myself a college counselor STAT. Shortly after that I went on a walk with my mom which is always delightful. She felt much better than yesterday and her fever disappeared which is great. We got good news regarding her illness yesterday so I am keeping my hopes up. To conclude the evening, we played some quick Jackbox since the cable to connect my laptop to the TV finally arrived and then I facetimed another friend until it got really late and she fell asleep on call.

It's been a while since I've talked to so many people in a day but I really enjoyed it. I still haven't gotten around to starting that web developing course or opening that book I said I was gonna read. Not good. I'll try to be more disciplined; I have nothing scheduled for tomorrow anyways so let's hope I get around to it. I also have to get my shit together and start filming that reality show. Knowing my capabilities to gather my friends in one place, it might take a while. Until then, however, I will continue to bathe in my unhealthy social media addiction until I am able to develop a will or my life gets more interesting, and at this rate, it looks like it's going to have to be the former. Hope today's "one week" accomplishment was everything it was cut out to be. We'll talk again soon...


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