Do Not Disturb

2021-06-09 21:45:27 (UTC)

Excuses Excuses

I was almost late to my physical this morning because stupid irresponsible me couldn't find my pass and they almost had to cancel it but thank God they didn't so I had to get another 30 day pass and since my mother couldn't trust me enough to keep up with this one ( why wouldn't she) she told me to put it in the glove department instead even though I told her I was gonna keep up with it this time. She doesn't believe me.

Then she went on and on about how I'm 23 and grown and how I don't do anything at home which FYI I do. I'm the only one that does things at home and while my brother does nothing and she's always so keen about me cleaning up my room ( which doesn't even be that dirty ) when my brother doesn't clean his room at all.

But blame everything on me huh. Make me feel bad huh. Make me feel stupid and in my feelings, huh and that's exactly what she

Then she says how she can't wait until I live on my own and blah,blah,blah. I was just upset for half of the day until, I got something to eat when I got home from Burger King because we have those coupons that we always get in the mail and their always life savers.

I doubt l'll see JT at all even if he just gonna stop by before he go to band practice. I was originally suppose to go to his house to hang out but but he's so worried about his tag being expired and being stopped by the cops and how messy his house is and that he's not able to pay attention. To both his daughter and me at the same time instead wanting to wait until enext week to hang out because he's going to be busy this weekend.

I kind of seen all if this coming but he's so keen to bring up sex. He says that's not the only thing but its whatever I've heard that to many time before. And yet here I am being stupid again giving another guy a second chance when it's gonna happen the same time again like it did with the previous guy before.

I give all hopes up in love.

And so he finally text me talking about how he was taking his auntie to the hospital bullshit nonsense whatever and that he wanted to text me and say that he wasn't able going to make it but he never gotten around to it and couldn't. Excuses.


Now I have to wait until, next week to see him if, that ever happens. I'll probably end up changing my mind on seeing him or not. Because I know theirs a 50/50 % he just wants to fuck even though he says he doesn't he does even though he says that's not the only thing that's clearly the ONLY thing he wants. And hear I am being stupid as ever. He doesn't even text me or even call me. Hell, no one even text me or call me. No guys. No girl best friends because I don't have any.

Isn't that sad ?

Maybe when I go off until college. That's why I need to hurry up and send off these transcripts so I can start a whole new life and make new friends because this.... This ain't it and it's making me sad and depressed. I'm already sad and depressed as is and I know I shouldn't be but sometimes I can't help that I am. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I hate it here. But I'll always love my mom no matter what. Its time for a change.

- A