Forever missing you

Dear Benny
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2021-06-08 09:37:24 (UTC)

I think I'm moving on

I think that I've reached a pivotal moment in the moving on stage. You see I made this list earlier, of what I want my future to look like. I think setting these ideas in paper might help me look forward with a bit more ease. The thing is, at no point when I was making that list was I thinking about you. I was writing about a future family, kids, maybe even a wedding. These are all things we used to discuss, I thought I could maybe never have them without you, but I wasn't thinking about you at all. I wasn't thinking about anyone. I guess it's someone I haven't met just yet.
It's a good thing, because it made me realize that I'm not even sure if I'd want you back if I were given the opportunity anymore. And even if I did I'm not sure I'd want that to be my forever. That should be good because I know you wouldn't want to be with me, and it's about time that I move on because just like you deserve to be happy, so do I.
The thing is, I don't feel good about it. I think I know that I don't want you anymore and yet you still show up in my dreams; I still daydream about what life could have been life if you'd have waited; It still hurts when I miss you, and I always miss you; and I still can't stand the thought of certain things, certain dates, certain songs, because they make me think of you in ways that hurt too much. I think I know I don't want you, but it hurts too much all the same. I guess I'm just confused.


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