Aimeele

The Next Chapter
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2021-06-07 00:41:05 (UTC)

No Blankets Here

Awhile back, a guy on here was trying to hook up with me... It wasn't happening.

I mean, read the profile dude..
I come right out and say it.. Don't message me wanting sex, because that is not why I'm here.

But anyway, he kept trying to talk his way into my pants.... but would refuse to read my entries.

*Here's a hint, claiming to want to get to know me, but ignoring what I write...will get you nowhere. I will simply just delete your messages without reading them and block you. I don't have time for bullshit.


Anyways,
I digress.

He called this space, a blanket of anonymity.

Why did this bug me so much that I still (months later) think about it and get ticked off?

It's crazy right?

I guess it's because this is probably the only space where I can be my true self...

I guess I realize that there are several who use this space to escape their real life.. to be who or whatever they desire because in reality no one knows the difference here..

But it never even occurred to me to be anyone or anything more than who or what I am...

I can't, or at least don't feel I can be my true self anywhere but here.

At work, I am forced to be this happy bubbly social butterfly that I can't stand, because I really don't like people...

But I have to pretend that I do, because that's part of what they pay me for. And I gotta eat...lol

At home, I am ex wife and mother.

As ex wife... I'm annoyed
He's a grown ass man that invades my space refuses to take care of himself properly... but for the sake of everyone's sanity, I have to keep it together and be civil..even though most of the time I don't wanna be.

Personally, I'd be fine if we never spoke...

But that wouldn't go over well with my son Corey who is 17, and ADHD with autistic tendencies.

Even though he is growing up and realizing his father's faults.. He still loves his dad. And I have to respect that.

As mother, I have to be everything.
I have to be friend, and advisor, doctor and therapist, and...the dreaded gamer chick who knows nothing and cares nothing about video games, but pretends she does because Mario is the only thing that we can somewhat connect on..

There is no time for me to just be me by myself...unless I am right here in this space.

So I guess that's why I got a little offended when he said that I am hiding behind a blanket of anonymity

Or maybe its just the word anonymity that got my blood boiling. I hate that word...

I don't want to be anonymous. I dont anything about me to be anonymous.

I want my followers to feel as if they know me. The real, unfiltered, unedited me.

I want them to understand and hopefully relate to what I'm feeling, and what I'm going through.

I want them to see me, and get to know me as a friend... and I want to know them in the same way.

I want them to be happy when they get that notification that I added another post here, in the same way I get excited when I see posts from those that I follow. I want them to feel free to ask me anything, no matter how personal and know and trust that I will give an honest answer..

And I want them to challenge me to maybe see things from different perspectives.

I guess to put it simply... What you read is what you get.


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