Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2021-06-05 22:36:50 (UTC)

More Of The Same...

My next entry will be more frivolous and fun, though!

[Written June 3rd, Thursday]:
I need more time to grieve! I need to sleep a lot. I don't care... I have to try to make up for 2 years of bad sleep/fix it as much as possible. It gives me less time to do anything, when I already feel I don't have enough time... That's part of why I stay up too late every night. Nonetheless... Sleep is important. I don't want to crash and burn again like I did today.

My other concern is nightmares. Guess I'll have to deal with them. My life is already a nightmare - what does it matter if my dreams are? Might make me feel better to be awake. I know, I know... That's part of what makes me *not* want to go to sleep. However... Good dreams make me sad to be awake. I really can't win, unless... I don't remember my dreams or just have boring dreams.
I don't feel like I have time for other people. I don't have time for bullshit. I don't have the energy for it, either.

I wish people would let me grieve in peace.

Also... I fully realize, that I may just be whining about every little thing. It's fine if I'm writing it out and *not* actually taking it out on these people I'm bitching about. I feel hostile and defensive because... I kind of *have* to be. *I'm* all I have! I'm just... Working through my feelings!
[Written June 4th, Friday]:
I can't handle friends. I can't get my life together and hang out with people. I don't have the capacity, mentally. It causes me too much anxiety. Can only imagine what hanging out with The Assholes (/Betrayors) will do. It's just another test for me. Nothing fun. Sure, it will be "interesting." Interesting to see how gracefully I can handle The Bullshit!

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