Third 👁️ Eye Spy
It's been a tough day. I have felt 'my ex guy' energy extreme today. I have all these different men messaging me, yet they are all overshadowed by 'my ex guys' emotions. He has drowned my thoughts all day, and I've felt a twisting and tugging in my core. I am usually good with controlling energy, including his, but I think something has happened with him today that caused him to feel very low and depressed, and I have felt the same as him.
I know this is from him and not from me because it is sudden overhauls on my energy levels, emotions, and physical feelings when it is him. Also, I have not had anything happen to cause an emotional drop so huge. I know 'my ex guy' isn't with his ex-partner and hasn't been for some time, but there are still ties there (no children), and it's heavy and negative, and I also know although he hasn't told me this that he is desperate to leave it in the past. So he is balancing his life before coming to me.
He feels lonely, and I have felt that loneliness all day; his energy has reminisced us. I've seen him smiling when he thought of one time we were kissing slowly, seductively. It was a low simmering passion building up. It was lovely. I felt the wave through him as he reminisced us, dull physical pain in the core. It was intoxicating. I haven't thought about him recently in the way I was, and neither last night. Yet, today he has wholly engulfed me.
The thing is, I have got things done today on my usual Saturday while also being a taxi driver for my daughter so she could spend the day with her boyfriend. In amongst all my chores. Adonis, the fate guy caller AND two past guys who connected initially with me last time I was on a particular dating site, messaged me again, which surprised me. As well as new people contacting me to "get to know me". Phil called, and my dad and I spoke to Vicky, my hiking buddy. I've been far from lonely, but I've been entwined by 'my ex guys' energy and felt lonely and all of him. He has been so low that it brought tears to my eyes.
I don't care how shitty someone might be, but loneliness is harsh, and I don't wish that on anybody. It makes me want to hold them; however, 'my ex guy' won't lower his defences for anyone or put his issues on another. All I was, was his solitude. His hidden world where no one could puncture when he was with me. He wanted it as just us, shutting out the world. As much as he felt my passion and nurture, he never got to feel the true breadth of how I love or the full extent of my intimacy because I knew things weren't how they should be between us, and so I held back. Later, I learnt my intuition was correct when I discovered what was going on outside of us.
All day, as I felt more of what he was feeling, I kept seeing him in my mind's eye. When he was driving, when he was in a queue, when he was sitting and smiling, thinking of us kissing. Then, at one point, during the early evening when I was on the motorway to fetch my daughter, he overwhelmed me again, and my physical vision blurred as he drowned my inner sight. It complex fighting it when those visions are so present, it set me into a sort of semi blurred, semi seeing zoned state of mind, but I needed to focus on my driving - after all, I was doing 101mph, LOL.
He has retreated tonight, alone. His mood isn't great, and neither is mine because of him; he gets so moody when he gets emotional. He doesn't like emotions. He likes to feel light.
I went to bed late last night, but that was because I had a late afternoon nap after the long busy week on a business and personal front. But I slept in this morning and caught up, and my energy levels were fine until after 11 am when 'my ex guy' became prevalent in my psyche, and I struggled because of him. I came over very tired and laid down at one point, but then I got super horny. I began to zone in and counteract him to see if I could affect him. My fingers went beneath my knickers, and I felt that feeling when I connect to another persons energy - his in this case. It becomes heated, and my fingers weren't enough. I needed to be filled, so I went upstairs, grabbed a dildo and my wand and gave him something more to feel. I was upstairs for a fair amount of time, releasing myself, giving it to him.
After, I didn't feel as tired, but only an hour or so later, it began again and off I went, but I masturbated on the sofa that time. It's Sunday tomorrow, and he usually joins his cycling friends, so that will lift him - I wonder if I should be cheeky and remind him of the bench he took a photo of for me (a place he wanted to "take me' ) and see the trees as he did before when he thought of me on his rides, haha. I might do. I'll see. I need my energy tomorrow, though, for building this bloody shed. I bought a spirit level today, didn't have one, and definitely will need one to put that beaut together! Oh my days, I hope it goes well!!
This song is for him: