If I die today
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2021-06-05 06:51:22 (UTC)

try not to harp

Trying not to harp on the negative I dont wanna be a downer all the time. Kinda clumsy so Ive made enough noise at 7 this morning waking up to disturb my love but hopefully he's back to sleep. I frustate myself soo much just in this I dont understand why everything I do is so wrong. I cant seem to manage myself succesfully. Just ordered dad's fathers day gift. Found out yesterday on the phone the straw spoon and cup with the icream/shake maker thing was a waste. I suppose I know I'm a terrible gift giver but ugh I hate it. Most gifts for my dad just end up being moms toys or in her treausre chest so to speak of emotional storage. oh well I try. Guess I should end this rant. Wasnt feeling so great yessterady I took promethizine I think close to 9 and went to bed Maybe too much cafinee too mch something I did have a crystal light engery lemonade yesterday afternoon. I spent a bit of time outside as far as walking to the store maybe dehydrated. I started peeing a lot when I layed down so IDK. I think i feel pretty okay right now. Just annoyed with myself. Tacos were successful last nigth he seemed to enjoy them and be genuin about it. It was stresfful cooking I have soo much anxiety and omg IDK what helf this shit in here is cookware wise and the cheap plastics all over c'mon. What do ya do I dont wanna tell him he's doing it wrong I kinda believe its mostly C but maybe he had some choosings. There are a few good dishes though lets be honest. Everythings working out. Just I'm not to high functioning and WTH? had a hot coffee last ngiht and walke after dinner too maybe it was to hot for the coffee? I kinda wanna go back to bed now too but I screwed that one up bc I know I"ll disturb him. Its just how it goes I'm drinking coffee now trying to wake up or something I kinda regret not charging my headphones but kinda not. I could watch videos on my computer if I did but those bluetooth beams are so bad for you anyway . Went thru a bit of money yesterday around 30 a T then i bought 3shirts/tunics and 2 leggings for around 40 from amazon. then something else I want to say but now I;m not rembering oh I bought the 50 gift card and paid the 4 or 5 activation fee to repay my loan. plus today was another 30 for fathers day but I suppose that doesnt count. so anyhow life in the spendy lane. IDk what i'm gonna do new clothes arnt gonna cure me and I still havnt fully purged the old and I'm so undecided. I need something to get myself organzed and being that I'm getting all picky about clothes materials I'm sure my new clothes may end up shrinking quick or bleeding first time in the wash its a paid laundry room here we;ve been just dumping stuff in and I put it on hot but I think hopefully we'll go together and I can put it on cold this time or I can get some quaters somewhere and just knock it out. He usually pays by his phone. I'm kinda groggy guess I ll rest here until my love awakes. let the weekend begin