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2021-06-03 21:08:00 (UTC)

A lonely introvert?

I just find it strange that I tend to feel lonely or a desire to be with a person even though I am a self-proclaimed introvert that would rather stay away from people in general. It’s an emptiness of sorts. Maybe it’s really just boredom as I lie here on my bed. But I only seem to forget it when I’m reading, with people, or sleep (not that this really counts since I’m unconscious).
I have too much difficulty putting feelings like this into words, especially since I dread the thoughts of having to explain anything about my emotional state to someone else.

This is a problem. I don’t want to feel empty in this way. And I don’t want to have to interact with anyone to avoid feeling this way. It’s probably very bad that I’m taking for granted the people I already have in my life which I can talk to. However, in my mind, I’ve already made it clear that they aren’t the kind of people I would just spend time with and be content.
Maybe I’m thinking of what a significant other is meant to be. Then this is a lost cause. In addition to the issue of whether or not this is boredom because I may be seeing people as tools to avoid being bored. And that’d be mean. And sad.

An unfortunate situation.

The other day (as in yesterday- or was that Tuesday? Ugh idk) I was thinking about how I may be one to wallow in self pity. I was thinking that it would be quite pathetic of me to do that since I /know/ I have it good. Then I gave trying not to pity myself, I barely understand the concept of it anyway. Pretty sure I wrote about this yesterday or something.

My eyes are strained but I’m gonna go read something. Better than whatever I was feeling before writing here.


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