theolor

MyDarknessLives
2021-06-02 19:44:25 (UTC)

Crossfaded and thoughts

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

I have spent the last few days drunk and or high. Today though I had my Spravato treatment (which is Esketmaine) Similar to Ketamine, honestly it has got to be one of the best treatments have I been given for my depression. (I have BPD and Bipolar II) The term crossfaded means being drunk and high at the same time and I thought it should be the title. I have been drinking a lot since my mom has passed but I don't think that is the reason. I see that now my life's mission is to live it as best as I can, making use of what all I have been given. I have experimented with my treatment by using a vape form of Delta-8 THC while using my Ketamine during treatment and found the most pleasure out of that. I feel like I am inching closer to Heaven's gate each time. Not in death but in pleasure. I have been without Latuda for 2 days though and it sucks, I find that getting drunk or high temporally compensates but I do notice the effect and it is not good. Latuda itself is an amazing drug to help with depression in my opinion. Obviously, I am not sober while writing this but I have Grammarly to help me fix my spelling mistakes. I feel really good now, Hedonistic is what I would say. I don't see Hedonism as a bad thing anymore because now I understand. God gave me this life and I want to get as much enjoyment out of it as possible while still using my abilities to help people in some way. I try to be kind, nice, generous, and helpful to all around me but at the same time seek to maximize my enjoyment in the process.

Random thought of the day: Theolor was a random name I came up with myself but I like it and use it for different purposes.

Thanks for reading my ramblings,




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