Forever missing you

Dear Benny
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2021-06-02 05:18:02 (UTC)

I feel like myself again

I'm starting to feel like myself again. As strange as it sounds I never felt like myself when I was with you. I was happy, and I wanted it to last forever, but I didn't feel like me. I met you at a time in my life when things weren't going so well. Honestly, the world was upside down and hell had broken through the cracks formed by the new gravitational pull (I know that makes zero sense). I was about ready to give up on anything when I came off a wonderful few days with some friends and thought I'd give things one more try when I met you. I only wanted a friend but something about you engulfed me to the point where I couldn't focus on a goal, but it was okay because you made me happy. You made me happy enough to live. You helped me discover new parts of myself, ones that I truly appreciate and which aren't going away, but it didn't feel like me. There was a reason why I couldn't focus on anything creative, and I couldn't do any of the things that made up part of who I am, during that time. It wasn't your fault. And maybe it has nothing to do with the fact you're gone and everything to do with all the other crazy things that have been going on in my life that I'm starting to feel like me again. I'm starting to be able to connect to the person in front of me in the mirror, and I can do all those things that made me who I am while maintaining everything I've gained from you. But it doesn't mean that I felt like myself with you, even though I was the happiest I'd been in a long time and I never wanted it to end, is that an awful thing to say?


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