Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2021-06-01 04:23:28 (UTC)

👨‍🎤 Joel, I'll Miss You! 😢

I might soon be hanging out with The Betrayors again. That should be interesting. Very surprised they haven't asked if I'm vaccinated yet. There's time yet. Wonder if they will want me to wear a mask and/or keep 6 feet from them? That shit will piss me off, if so.

My new friend is kind of weird, ngl. Really don't know if I can trust her yet.

Things seem like they are changing, but it doesn't seem to be for better or worse. I'm better at hiding my feelings now because I don't want entire conversations about how I feel! I don't even want to talk about myself or my life, at all. Good thing I'm also mostly numb to everything, anyways. What choice do I have, but to try to be as numb to everything as I possibly can be? Not like people will understand this numbness either, as opposed to my constant depression and sadness. I really don't get how people don't see how I wouldn't be sad and depressed all the time. How could they? Why would they care to? Good thing I'm mostly numb to all this. This world has left me jaded. I've learned how to be somewhat of a stoic, just by not seeing any other option. It's the only way I figured I could deal with the constant heavy pain. Make it as light as possible.

All these assholes (The Betrayors) are probably going to do is try to pressure me into doing what they think is best for my life and/or make me feel awkward again. They really make me cringe. Hanging out with them again will be interesting to say the least and that's a positive way of looking at it! So, why hang out with them at all? I have no life and I'll take whatever friends I can get. Trust me, though, if people go too far, I have no problem cutting them out of my life, completely. What is too far? It's pretty extreme. I put up with a lot of bullshit, short of physical abuse. Are they mentally abusive, though? No. They are just super naggy like parents. Lol. What do I expect? They are old enough to be my parents!


I am becoming increasingly bored with YouTube. I love it, but it's been my whole life for over 2 years now. I've started making videos on it. I have like, 27 subscribers. Lol.

I'm sad. Roomie won't be uploading daily anymore. His reason is so that he can take more time on each video and make higher quality videos. Understandable. There are still many of his videos that I have not seen yet. He brightens up my day, though and it won't be quite the same watching older videos, even if I haven't seen them yet. There won't be a new video to look forward to each day. 😔


I've been reading through this, my journal, since I didn't write in it for several months. While I can say that I am doing better now and handle things better now, I don't have that asshole boss anymore. Lol.

I swear, about a month after he left, this stupid 25 year old kid started there, who drove me to the brink of nearly leaving my job. I've been there over 10 years. That's bullshit! All he did was bully everyone and get away with it. They let him get away with everything. They treated him like gold and good employees like me like shit. It still makes me want to leave, even though he's been gone for 2 weeks now. Finally.

My anxiety could not handle it. He acted worse than teenagers and I know that because there are teenagers that work there and I just think teens, in general can be annoying as hell! They had nothing on this guy, though. I wonder why he was treated so well... it was bullshit!


I'm going to go finish the Roomie video I was watching and go to sleep for a few hours. Thats all the sleep I'll get now, though I fell asleep about an hour and a half already.

I will miss Roomie. I know I can watch the old videos, but it's not the same.


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