If I die today
Ad 2:
2021-05-31 15:15:26 (UTC)

stupid dysfunction

Been awake since well I think It was a 2am puking from a hangover then layed back down up n down till 10. WE did go the flea market leaving much disappointed it was hispanic we were the olny whites. Overwwhelming plus same thing stall after stall. Nothing exciting there. Sister didnt make it we visited her and her man at his house for dinner. I had 2 charcols before bc gas then I took another 2 same reason just before we left. Then otw we stopped for gas I grabbed one buzzball I'm struggling to adapt and I'm not mad I'm frustrated at me feeling stupid and embarassed plus well I just dont know if this is a pity party or a vaild feeling. anyhow at dinner during the visit I went thru about 4 maybe 5 glasses of wine. so its reasonable I shoulda been feelin like shit. I tried to take a flexeril when I got up betwnee 1 and 2 bc I felt like I had a headache but I barfed that up. Then I did find zofrans in my purse but man it was crubs I think I had between 2 and 4 as I was over the toliet . I thought I was out of promethize but atlas I found it once I was into the day but still I should order more . so anyhow I gave myself 24hours to harp on the stupid dog issue or non issue whatever who cares now I have to overcome the fact I cant do anything freakin right. Not that I'm being abused or picked on at all . He was trying to show me the towels go on the "outside " of the towel rack in the shower. I really dont know if I can IDK if I can physcially reach or even set that up right.? Right ? it should be simple. IDK what is wrong with me. EVerythings a dam mess I feel like everything I touch turns to shambels. I dont understand how to do the simplist things that everyone else does. I still wouldnt be suffient to mop a floor God forbid a spill happens. I have some much anxiety not knowing whats exspected of me when. all the resources and "tools" as far as household function are differnent here and I have other people to concser and I want to make happy but lets face it I'm just a slob and Im not sure how to overcome that even downsizing I have so much anxiety I dont know exactly how much I need of things. My perceptions have always been over but in my mind they are reasonable . What is wrong with me. IDK what to do . I want stuff but I should really get ovver I. Its all selfish and stupid. I just dont know I cant tell anyone everything I thinking bc well it doesnt make sence and its a pattern of screwing up that I have. Maybe I'm lazy . How much of this is learning disabilities? how much is autism? is it attidude? What do I need to just move on in life? Why am I like this? Sharing thoughts and feelings like this is just a downer and owuldnt build any postive connections or understanding . What do ya do? also maybe I am just pathetic and its me this is who I am and what I am and I'll never be content .. So I need work on myself get it together somehow. Well I'm glad I found my RX. We have had a slow day I"m fed. My man is a real man quite a steal and has a lot of love to give. ITs nice out and I have cut(ish) clothes to wear.

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