Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2021-05-30 18:34:00 (UTC)

She even confused herself ❤️

Did she confuse you a little? Hell, she even confused herself. She was a walking contradiction in every sense. She keeps much of herself hidden away. But when she pours herself out to someone, she lets her total self spill out. And you'll learn her. You'll learn what a poetic contradiction she is. Even She doesn't understand herself at times. But she accepts it. She's always been strong. Strong for herself and for others. Protecting and taking no bullshit. Not accepting less. Yet, she was like fragile glass that can break in your hands when she's really hurt and broken. She spoke her mind and was outgoing, yet when making plans, she took the stance of going with the flow, being timid, and letting the other person choose to say- 'I'll be happy wherever we eat and be happy with whatever movie we see because she didn't want to seem like she was dictating or controlling the situation. She always feared that. She would be the soundboard for her closest friends to vent to, the go-to person for advice. Yet, she never really did that herself. Once viewed as 'that strong person everyone can rely on, you almost get embedded in that role and forget about yourself, and hold it all in, trying to solve it yourself. She spoke up for herself and for others and would rip you speechless, yet she was very understanding and let things slide time and time again, letting things not get to her, not speaking a word until it boiled over. Once boiled over, then she became consumed and let it all out. You heard a mouthful then. All this hellfire of a strong personality would make you think she was that way in the bedroom, but she was the exact opposite. She was passionate, raw, and open, and would rather be tied or chained down being dominated- taken to places no one would believe, than being the aggressor. She craved it, needed it, it was part of her. It was the one place she didn't have to manage daily life and be strong for everyone. She was kindhearted and sweet, but when she felt taken advantage of or wronged, she became cold as the arctic winds, and she was overcome with an eerie silence. You would know something was wrong when she was quiet. She was smart and well-read, yet naive in some aspects. She looked for the best in everyone, even when they wronged her or someone she cares about, giving more chances than they deserved...yet when hurt enough times, She lowers her head and quietly walked away. She was so strong-willed, yet she was so very sensitive. Overthinking and over feeling everything. She loved plunging black dresses that showed enough to make your mouth grin, wearing her favorite heels, and wearing her silver backdrop necklace that ended halfway down her back making you slip your fingers down to trace it-making your way to the small of her back. Yet just loved wearing her sweats and yogas with her favorite cardigan, t-shirts, and flip-flops every day, until it got too cold to not wear them anymore. She loved the classics like 'Pride & Prejudice', 'Anna Karenina', 'Macbeth' and 'Peter Pan', and viewed them as eternal... yet loved studying real murder cases and her spirituality at night. She loved to clean, organize and be neat-as it was a stress release for her...yet some days she just didn't care and rooms became disheveled. She loved Lana del Rey, Tori Amos, Florence & the Machine, and Halsey...yet loved the rage of NIN, Lincoln Park, Eminem, and My Darkest Days. She was well-spoken, mannerly, and very much a lady.. yet cursed, spoke like a sailor, and laughed at inappropriate humor. So you see, she contradicts herself in so many lyrical ways. She doesn't understand it sometimes herself. But she accepts how she is. To be so deeply close to her is rare as her walls are high. One may view her as a chaotic mess. Others may just see her as a beautiful colorful stained glass window. She is your calm and your storm. She goes to battle with you and shelters you from the storms. She is your ride or die.