Idk but my mind is a fucked up place
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2021-05-30 02:34:39 (UTC)

do i give off negative energy?

I have recently starting dating someone, well he is my boyfriend for two months now and I like him a lot. This is a long distance relationship and you will learn more about it but right now I want to talk about whats going on at this very moment. So last week he came to see me and I LOVED having him around soo much. My days was better and I ate like a normal person. I felt good about myself every single day. It was just a 10/10 expereience and we even had a lot of sex. (which i was afraid would not happen because of my sexual lifestyle before him and how much i just did not enjoy sex) I loved everything we did together and it was honestly the best week of my whole entire life since 2018 I believe.

This week though it has been very tense with us and I just dont like it anymore. We argue everyday and can not hold a conversation on the phone, but here is the kicker when we text its like kinda fun again and I feel good about our relatiobship and he says everything I want to hear and I am feeling good about everything I say and it just hits more ya know. Currently on the phone with him right now and I just keep trying to invite in what I am doing and he is kinda making fun of me. He does not get it and I am just like what are u acting so weird and he is like you take everything I say soo literal. Everyone knows I am a literal person because I personally dont know whats a joke and whats not a joke (personally I think its because of the household i lived in but one day I will write about). Then again I like to make jokes myself so I get why thats gets confusing but its not that hard to tell me "hey this is me joking" people do that for me often and we have known eachother more than 4 months now so why is this a problem now. I have no issue fixing it if so because i life him soo much and I feel like he is my soulmate. Probably its the fact I talk about past relationships sometimes or we are just not clicking this week. I want to know more about him that is not surface level and we have gotten tot hat point multiple times but when you have such strong feelings for someone shouldnt it be easier to open up to them.

Its not like I was the one who pushes the idea we would be together forever he pushes it more than me and it just seems like this is setting us back and not us moving forward. We have yet to have something like this happen and it could be because of going back home and realizing the distance or it could just be a mood change or maybe he didnt have as much fun with me as I did with him. He tells me everyday how much he misses touching me or he wants to kiss me or all that great stuff but when we are on the phone for a long amount of time its like we both kinda of get in a mood.

Another thing he is taking the Lsat next week and he could be in a lot of stress and I also started a new job this week and havent had a day off to where we had our mornings and stuff together and maybe thats it. I am hoping by Tuesday or really tomorrow I have us back to normal. I want to sleep now but its only 9:47p and I would feel bad going to sleep on him soo early when I been at work all day.

I did also say if he said ily to me in this early of us being together I probably would not say it back and he said that hurt his feelings. I feel like 2 months is too early no matter how long u believe u will be with this person but then again I catch myself wanting to say it to him often. Should I share that information? Idk I dont want to push anyone into confessing something I am not sure of. I just know when I think of my days without him I could literally cry. actually tears.

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