my life is a mess that i can't escape
2021-05-25 19:05:43 (UTC)


Hi again!

I went to the village (hometown of my mother) some days ago. So, I wasn't here for a "short" time. Luckily, I'm here now :)
My parents woke up early today, but I slept a lot. Actually, we came home yesterday, but I was too tired. I woke up early and didn't sleep again.But my parents slept almost al day. I had a huge nausea, I threw up a lot.
Yesterday evening, I joined the meeting of voluntary club. I was invited to a face to face meeting in a different city. I didn't talk about this topic with my family because it was obvious that they won't allow me and I didn't want to join there. So, I refused the offer. While I was in the evening, my grandma called my mother. She yelled at a lot, she was mad at my mother. She had said that she don't want to use the smartphone anymıre and we have to give her old phone as soon as possible. She also said that she is an old woman and about to die. Until my mother told the situation, I thought that she is sick and needs help. My knees were trembling while listening to my mother's sad voice. You can guess, I left the meeting early because I couldn't be concentrated.

I told what happened yesterday because I was going to go shopping with my mother to buy something to wear for the engagement party. But we went out at 6 pm. After that argument, my mom had to visit my grandmother in the morning. I drew some pictures until lunch.

My mother came and we ate lunch. After the lunch, we drank some coffee and my mom had a rest. Then, we went out. I wore a crop tshirt. I mean it was only covering only my belly, not my hips. Before going out, my father wanted me to turn around. Hhe wasn't looking me well. Proably he thought that I'm not wearing in a modest way.

First of all, I went to a small clothing shop with my mother. The owner of the shop was a friend of my mother, but her shop was like a shit. There wasn't good dresses for me. I only liked a dress with black and white stripes, but I think it isn't suitable for the engagement party. Then, we went to bigger shops. I liked some dresses there, but my mom didn't like them. So, we didn't buy anything. In the evening, Iı saw some dresses that I search on the internet. She didn't say anything about them. Probably she didn't like them. Because she told me that we should buy some fabric. My aunt is a tailor, so she can sew a dress for me in a week. Yes, she is a talented tailor but I don't want to it. Because sewing a dress in a short time will be a complicated processs. I know this because my aunt had sewed a different dress to me long time ago. Also, I don't want to make her tired because of the fucking marriage of my cousin.

Some days ago, my mother was talking on the phone with my mother of my cousin. I was sure that her mother was able to hear me while speaking on the phone. So, I said that her whole family is stupid because they dare to throw a party like this.

By the way, I'm not regret.