Rain

Numbers and colors
2021-05-21 17:08:00 (UTC)

-15 grey

I feel like I want a person who can joke around with me and understand my jokes or just reciprocate what I'm talking about. I just want to benefit someone's life as much as I feel like I am loved. I want to serve. But my children are the ones i need to put at my center. Just serve my children. It doesnt matter the input they give me, because they are my everything.. if I didn't have them, I would be alone again. I would be chasing men again and this world here eats women. I'm going to be strong. I'm going to stop hating. I'm going to be strong. I promise. I will never say I hate it here again. Because I enjoy it here, I do. I just want to find my place.. where I fit I'm this whole Hawaiian puzzle. Where I'm not over exerting myself, but rather I'm finding a balance.. and I DO want to be loved. I miss him so. I cannot accept my ex husband's love. Its painful and irretrievable. But this man's love is all I can hope for..
I deleted his number and if i really wanted to i could probably look for it in my back legs and reach out to him. But why should i when I'm such a mess. My mother and her mess.. my life and my own mess.. I have a half opened bag of chips and salsa. How unprofessional. How unattractive.. I want to be whole again. Myself again in my actions and in my home.

I have a cool nose piercing. Is it me? I dunno, but I like it.




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