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2021-05-21 00:45:48 (UTC)

Blood draw

I have a day off tomorrow before I go back to work for the weekend. I shouldn't have agreed to it because I found out earlier today that other people in my department will be enjoying a bonus for their work on this project whereas I only continue to be taken advantage of by my employer. I'm used to it by now on the one hand but on the other I'm feeling a mild sense of depression and physically I'm just feeling tired and depleted.

Tomorrow I'm going to get my blood drawn. Finally seeing a rheumatologist to find out whats going on with my platelets. In the end, even if I have the condition they think I do, it doesn't seem like a very big deal. Its just that I've already been through the ringer with bipolar meds and the meds for this type of autoimmune disease seem just as bad...maybe even worse.

I will try my hardest to change my outlook tomorrow but in the present moment I'm just feeling down. Feeling bad about my job, my weight, my skin, and whatever new issue with my health there may be. On the positive side, I leave for a proper vacation on Wednesday. I cant wait. I need to lay in the sun, feel the sunshine on my face without a fucking mask, swim in a beautiful pool, have drinks on the beach and just generally escape life and all of its challenges for a while.