my life is a mess that i can't escape
2021-05-20 19:30:52 (UTC)

finally and luckily

I slept at 1 am last night. I talked a lot with my "closest" girlfriend after writing my diary. Actually we were going to talk more, but she told me that I have to buy a new dress for my cousin's engagement. Then, she thought that I'll look like a noob if I don't don't buy a new dress. She also recommended me more, but they were too expensive for me. For example, I can buy 2 budgies with same money. Actually, they were beautiful and nice :')

As I said before, I slept "late" last night and I was sleepy in the morning. I wanted to sleep more, but I had to wake up early because of the online classes of my father. I sent some messages to voluntary work friends. Nobody says nothing. I don't know what to do with them.
After breakfast, I called my grandmother. She was crying because she as I said from my mom, she couldn't pick up the phone. She told that she is gonna die soon, and she won't learn how to use the smartphone. My mother went to her house, and I went to school. Because I had to write a petition to not having exams. My grandma invited me to her home with my mother, but I told her that I'll go to the school. I think she didn't like my response. She said me that I won't spend hours at school. But you know, I'm a teenager and I want to spend time by myself. I planned to go shopping after the school stuff. I don't like going shopping, but I like looking around the streets.
When I was leaving the home, my father was haing a lesson in my room. So, I couldn't came in my room and take some money. As you can guess, I couldn't go anywhere after school.

I missed my school. I realized it when I arrived there. By the way, there was an intense sanitizer smell at the school :D I also saw a friend at the school. She is the daughter of my grandmother. We talked a little bit. Then I gave my paper to principle. He was also left handed. Usually, I'm being careful about dominant hands and the earlobes at first sights. What an unnecessary fun fact! But fun facts are unnecessary, right?
After coming home, my mother wasn't there. Then, I drank coffee with my dad. He complained about my grandmother. Bby the way, my grandmother is the mother of my mother. So, my dad is the groom in the family :D
Anyway, he said that we shouldn't call my grandma every morning because she shares all of her pains, problems, and the depressive wtuff with us makes us tired. His mother dead 11 years ago (what a long time omg) and he said me how she was calm and quiet. Of course, I remember her. By the way, she used to cook best soup ever <3 I also missed her so much. I was she smallest granddaughter when she was dead. So, she couldn't knit me something. I used to wear the smallest vests of my older cousins. I think she was young when she died, but the reactions and comparings of my father makes me annoyed. Because if his mother was still alive, I'd be look after her,too.

Despite his behavior, I called my grandma and mother again after the coffee-hour. Then, I went out. I wanted to buy lots of things. I looked for new books, yarns, and a phone case. I went 2 shops to find the perfect phone case. I didn't like the cases in one of them, and there were lots of people in the other store. So, I didn't want to go there because the shop was small, and going there might be risky to me in the pandemic. I also looked for some yarn. I went 3 shops. One of them wasn't located in a safe street. Lots of men were sitting in front of the store, and I hesiatted to go there. There wasn't anybody in one of the shops. And the last one was too expensive.
I saw one of our relatives when I was coing back to home. We talked a little bit, but generally, I don't like his conversations so much. After saying goodbye to him, I visited the bookshop where I went before. Finally, I bought "Leo The African" by Amin Maalouf. It was second hand and cheap. I'm so happy to buy that. I cleaned it when I arrived to home.

After coming home, I was hungry and I ate lunch. Then, I didn't want to do anything. I drew something while listening to music. Then, I played chess again. I played 2 games tonight. They were awful. I lost one of them and resinged the other one. I learned that I'm not playing Ruy Lopez (Spanish opening) well.
While I was playing chess, my parents were drinking tea and watching television. After that awful games, I joined them. I don't like watching TV because I find it boring but sometimes it can be great. They were talking about the movie and they asked what the schizophrenia is. I answered them wuickly and felt cool :)

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