Teen Life
2021-05-20 18:41:51 (UTC)

Crushing HARD!!!

I’m Beckah,

I’m currently in Y9 and I have loads of friends (love ‘em to bits!), I love my school, I have a great relationship with my little sister and my parents and in general... life is great.

As I said before, I am in my third year at secondary and so far, I have only had one crush (in Year 7) but I got over that ages ago. With COVID and stuff, we r in the same classroom all day everyday, except from DT and Music and stuff. This means that we have one seating plan for the whole day. I thought this was gonna be miserable, but it’s actually great. My BFF sits right behind me and my other friend sits diagonally from me so we can just turn and talk all the time. Until about two months ago, I never thought I would crush again - at least not until Y10 - however, now I’m crushing real hard on this guy who I actually didn’t realise is worth crushing on. I mean, he’s been in my class since Y7 and I guess, we just haven’t no hadn’t had the chance to bond until Y9. He sits next to my BFF, Ella, who I think knew I liked him since before I told her. She thinks that he likes me too and tbh he’s been giving me hints. I even read an article about how to spot it. The main point was that the guy’s feet might be pointed at me, guess what ... I have been looking and his feet r almost always pointed in my direction.
Now you might be thinking, well if there r all the hints then just ask him out. Ya c, thing is, I’m technically not allowed to start dating until I’m at UNI! And I mean, sorry but that seems REAL STRICT. My parents have never found out about a single one of my crushes, not even little one day things.
U might be wondering why I even like this guy, well the answer is simple:

- we talk all day at school
- we laugh every time we talk
- I get butterflies just thinking about him
- he has such a great personality
- he’s not ur typical guy
- he always tries to stay out of fights
- he breaks up fights when ppl get in ‘em
- He’s just sooo sweet and he always knows how to make me smile, plus he teases me everyday and I tease him.

Idk if I’m overreacting but every time I walk past him when he’s with his mates, they seem to turn around, look, and then smile and turn back and talk. Idk if it’s about me or if they just think I’m a weirdo!

But back to my issues about not asking him out, I’ve never had a bf before and I kinda want him to ask ME out. That’s not where the trouble ends. U know the ‘girls code’, u know when u can’t date one of ur friend’s crushes if u know they like them. Well one of my friends, Chloe, who I walk to scl with, happens to be crushing by on him too. Tbh I don’t even think she properly likes him, at least not as bad as I do cos she once told me, yesterday actually that she just wants a bf really bad and doesn’t care who it is unless they’re ugly. I don’t wanna be two faced but ‘player’ and ‘desperate’ much. She’s not even in our class. They only have DT together but thats it! I know I sound overprotective but, u can’t blame me.
Last Thursday, in music, me and Sharla and Ella were in the music room messing around when we heard a knock on our door. I went out but no one was there, it happened two more times so... I hid behind the door so they couldn’t c me peeking through the window and then when they knocked I swung open the door ran down the corridor and saw Tyrese (my crush) run into his music room, I swung open their door (him and his group) and I shouted ‘I saw you that time!’ and they were all laughing their heads off, so we’re Ella and Sharla lol. C what I mean?
Oooh and also, once I was stuck in Maths and we have this inside joke where he tells me to ‘do ur work’ and I turned and said I was but I was stuck. Then I kept going and he said ‘the icing on the cake’. And I was like ‘ what does that even mean?’ and he was like ‘ it means I FINISHED YOU OFF!’ which obvs triggered our dirty minds. So I started blushing and laughing along with Sam (guy I sit next to), Ella, and Sharla. He didn’t realise what he had said until Sam said ‘Jeez man, ur only 14 and she’s 13’ (I’m 6 months younger than him) so then Tre (my nickname for HIM) realised and started blushing and was embarrassed. He started saying ‘Oh flip! I didn’t mean it like that!’ And I was thinking 💭 ‘or did u?!’ So he started saying ‘I meant like, um, I DID her.’ which obviously sounds even worse lol. Everyone in our convo was laughing and yeh it was real funny but also got me thinking, ‘does he like me?’.
Also, sometimes, when I’m talking to him or when I’ve just finished talking to him or I spoke to the teacher or answered a question, his best friend Luke says something and he turns and says ‘Stop it! F off!’ and I find this very suspicious.
The other day, it was the end of break and we were all lining up, I was talking to Ella and Sharla and being the funny, wild person I am when I c Tre talking to his mates and then walking over really awkwardly and then I panicked cos I didn’t know what he was doing, we made eye contact like we do all the time and then I tried to hide behind Sharla and Ella in the most discrete way I possibly could. Idk if he noticed or if he backed out or if I dunno whatever but he awkwardly backed away. I felt really nervous but also bad cos I dunno if he was maybe gonna ask me out?! Eeeeeeeek! Anyways, after he walked over to his mates again, one of them put their hand on his shoulder as if giving advice or comforting him. I was really nervous and shaky the rest of the day and we only said a few words to each other for the rest of the day. I was kinda scared! Now I realise that I really wanna date him so I’m thinking on getting his number somehow; I need to get Ella in on helping me. She’s the only one at my scl - other than maybe Tre but I dunno if he knows I like him - who knows that I am crushing on him. Even Sharla doesn’t know. So, we’ll c what happens!

C u in my next entry!

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