Nihilist Cowboy

A Sick Man, A Spiteful Man, An Unattractive Man
2021-05-18 19:57:00 (UTC)

5/18/21 Thoughts: Missing Out

Today, I had clinical supervision. In the social work world, you have to be "under supervision" for two years in order to qualify to take the second exam which means you can practice independently. So every other Tuesday for the next two years, two of us meet with our boss Anthony for a few hours to discuss topics from the supervision guide as well as discussing events over the past week and what we could do to improve our skills as social worker. However, a huge portion of our meetings consists of Anthony getting on his soapbox about whatever topics we discuss. Other social workers told me that this is the norm of supervision time.

One of today's topics was about Feminist Theory. My boss who is the only conservative social worker that I have ever met went on a tear about the downsides of feminism. He told us stories about working in private practice and having numerous "career women" coming in upset about their lives and how they felt like they made a mistake in choosing career over family. Anthony would mention: "These early to mid 30 somethings felt like that all the education and high paying powerful jobs were not enough when compared to being a wife and mother." Then he exclaimed: "These women had such a hard time dating because they could not find any decent single men their age." First of all, please show me where all of these single 30 year olds are hiding. I honestly cannot think of anyone in the entire hospital that I have run across who is both single and childless. I seriously cannot think of anyone who meets both of these criterion. Anthony then mentioned working at a clinic in a small town in South Texas and the culture down there. He blurted out: "You know, you are a pariah if you are not married by 25 down there." This made me want to laugh because I have family that still look at me oddly because I have chosen this life.

I am trying my hardest to not digress into a bitchfest like I have been getting into the habit of doing the last month or so. What crept into the forefront of my mind was wondering what all I would miss out for choosing the path that I have chosen in this life. This path was chosen for me years ago. The typical things like my coworkers mention that they endure I get to miss out on. There are no sleepless nights for me because the baby is crying, no diapers to change. I know that there is much more than that, I wont ever be cheering at a football game for my kid, there will be no graduations, teaching someone how to drive, and there wont be angry Zach in his 70s drinking coffee and giving life lessons to my great grandchild. However, this is the life that I have chosen for myself. Other moments that are normal for the regular life is the big wedding, honeymoon to Cancun etc.

I have accepted my life, although rainy days like today I wish I had someone to share the bed with. It is whatever I suppose. This life of somewhat isolation in the end is much better than the alternatives.




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