If I die today
how to live one year
So there was the end of the margita wine last night for me. TOday is a workday I"m pretty close on the aprtment literly if I could get my head wrapped around it I think it all could be packed maybe 3 hours but my head is so spin spin that hell I'll be lucky to get 2 things things done today between 10-3. I slept last night probly close to midnight woke up at like 6 I was exicted we went to bed early but hell I couldnt sleep. IDK whats up with that so I stretched and goofed off to my own embarmsment then I calmed down. Just felt like I wish I was alone in bed messing around bc its so weird with someone else right there much less the man you want to be his woman. so I need to shape up n act right IDK what my problem is. I have no endurance as far as mentally I"m pretty much a quitter. I dont wanna be so I gotta change. I need more motivation and focus in life to do something good n right. I have time now I think to focus on the end the last question as far as purpose.
If had one year to live what would you do?
Well thats a good question do I have one garutneed year to live? DO i know I have a year ? Is it possible that the year could be cut short or extended? Sheesh
If its a year from today and I dont have notice hell I'd just be here with my head in the sand same old same old. If I cant be terminated until one year Id like to think I would have more courage to do things and maybe endurance to pay the cost of what is good bc we are in an upside down world and truth hurts. but hell if I'm gettin out anyway I might as well let truth pour . Gotta be productive. Let just say I know its a year. Id cut back my worries Id be intental about making sure people feel loved appreciated and allievate guilt as much as I can of my exit. so nDea, mom, aLaura, dad, I really even at a years notice cant see messing with my brothers. Id have to squash my stance against the C monster nDea's ex and be a little more free hopefully to particpate with him I think I'd just ignore her but I would rebuke boldly if/when she got outta line. I would rush my atty on the divorce I would see how to pour more money into him and make this happen befoer I pass . I owuld like to have a pure life so I would hope that nDea would marry me before I died. IDK if i would just take the jab or not bc I would have more freedom less haseel bc well I think if I surrendered I'm setting up the next people to submission to and tyranne plus side effects and honeslty ok Id like to think no bc the whole fetal parts things is the limit I cant knowingly do that by GOD. I'd want to follow him love him with my whole heart this last year freely. Not sure what that looks like thou. I would ask more questions about things before I decide exspeclly medical care like I may outright ask whats in this like the filling or I may ask why are you xraywing what do you exspect to see or change based on this? the purpose? I would give up vitimains and all my littel remdies but Id like to eat well to ahve the maxuim health and enegery so my diet would proablly stay close to the same and hopefully tidy up. I dont think I have it in me to just sinch drinking and I think Id still be overwhelmed in feelings so what do ya do IDK Im tired of pain and ugliness of the drinks thou so Id probaly just socially drink in a setting of joy where somoene esle has a drink in their hand and Id like to limit it. I guess Id start to tell people here it is the TRUE LIFE storay whats up with me is on this link proably at my last week thou bc ID proablly document whats up as it goes and that would be fowled up if I knew I i had attention benifits of what I share and also its probally disturbing for some to see in reall time how when and the sex I have lol althou its sweet n good stuff it would make poeple raise eyebrows at us. So my love is up been up for a few so I'll want to be attentive but I ave so much with this thought. So people in m life to focus on that year would included -sister-mom, dad, neices, nephew, -eMichell, aJessic - of course my love nDea -eAnn - yLindsey - eKathleen - n's Benjami -iPatt- yNanc -get things rgith with eBonni (apologise or whatever is nessary)- fClif and sister- I would see what sorta extended family flows into my life and who knows maybe make so new relationships. Id have a lot to correct and try to workout to be sure my people are okay and well hopefully they would see God's goodness in me. IDK. Well thats a summary of this I cant stand to type more I wantmore coffee food and love.