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me and my life
2021-05-07 16:58:26 (UTC)

Monotony

Monotony has been part of my life on and off. These days but has submerged me in it. I feel so bored, unmotivated, melancholy, frustrated and also jinxed.
Whatever I do has no motivation, I have many things in mind but it's just not working out. Am trying my hands on many things but no luck.
Right now am catering to my sister. She is 2 nd time pregnant with no break and with already a child turning 1 in 10 days. I have many things to do her kid, herself, her chores, mom and other work. What am I doing?? Yes mom helps me but doing this all is no fun anymore. I feel tired, used and exploited sometimes. I might me talking rubbish for my own family or may sound mean, but understand I want my own thing as well. I feel I have been just catering them all without thinking of myself.
I want to be busy and frustrated in my job not in doing or catering others house chores. I want to feel bored of my own thing. Am bored of listening all pregnant talks, cooking talks of all stress talks. I want to be bored of my own thing my work, my hubby, my in laws but I have no I have of my own. I can't be sad and show mom coz she will stress and that will stress me more. After some point of time I'll get really frustrated financial, emotional, physically as well.
I have seen myself not prioritizing my self. Be it in food, in walking j have to carry my niece everywhere it's kinds boring. I want some time for self so I came at my place but all accompanied me and same thing. I want to be alone but I have no choice. I have no friend to go, no place to go coz of corona. Am bored as fuck yaarrrr.
I had someone to talk but he also turned his face out. I don't know what why or how universe made him do so.
All am expecting is a good salaried job, a guy to marry in the US. And if won't in the US then it will be my biggest disappointment in my life.
If my US study won't work then I go to Maldive all alone for some leisure time. I need alone time pleaseeee....

God help me save


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