Lumina ❤️
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2020-12-10 07:56:00 (UTC)


its been so long since that day.. 14 years?.. i wonder if you would still recognize me.. i became the opposite of everything i wanted to be for you..
some days i used to get mad and even blame you and then id hate myself for even thinking that.. the only thing that kept me going
all these years was for your sake and memory I had to keep going but i don't think I did a good job of preserving your memory at all..
i should have tried harder to keep myself better and stronger because that is what you would have wanted.. im sorry i gave up so many times
but i know now that as long as i still live i can still make everything right.. i will try my hardest for the both of us and hope that when you look down you will be happy and proud of me.

i know back then i never showed u much of any emotions and u always knew how i felt anyways.. these days its the total opposite im
always fighting with myself because theres just too much going on thats either unresolved or overwhelming and i kind of wish i was my old self
again because i used to be so good at not caring and now all i do is care about everything and its really painful sometimes..

I wish i was there in those final moments.. im sorry i couldnt be there.. it was killing me inside for the longest time but i realise now
that the same way ur always with me now i was always there too.. the time that we shared i will cherish it forever..
i want u to know that nothing was ever ur fault.. u were always perfect to me.. if u were here right now i know everything you would say
and i know im not worthy of those words.. not yet but i promise u i will crawl out of this and make u so proud of me.. i will try twice as
hard for the both of us because i know that is what would make u happy. il always miss you.

If anyone actually reads this i want you to know that you arent alone ever. if anyone ever wants to talk you can message me and i will try
my best to help or even just listen.

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