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2021-05-12 18:54:55 (UTC)

Brutal way growing up as a kid 😤

Boss pissed me off big time today. He really lacks people and management skills. I just shake it off and say to myself "you can't fix stupid" because you really can't change other people. So I personally left my computer early. Ended up going to an earlier gym session to get my fix. Thank goodness for it because I need those happy chemicals flowing in me and it is right now. Went to Trader Joes after gym all sweaty and I'm sure not the best smelling after sweating so much. It's warmer now and I sweat a lot at class. I have to admit I go to Trader Joes to shop not just for their quality food but the quality women there. Do I start a conversation with them? Heck no. Too chicken and I have to look to see if they have a ring on and most of them do.

But being pissed off at my boss brought back memories of growing up in Hawaii as a kid. It was some bad ones. Maybe because my boss is my work related Superior and it makes me think about growing up as a kid with my Mom and Dad. Well, I don't post too many serious stuff here lately. Usually just my Truck and maybe all the social stuff I do but this one is bad. I recall as a kid (maybe around 7-10 year old) crying from a beating my parents would give me. I wasn't spoiled in any way. We were poor and I wasn't that kid in the store asking for stuff because at the age of 7, I knew I'd get nothing.

But anyway, I still remember the mornings I'd go to the bathroom crying and because the beating was so bad, I'd also go there because I really had to pee. Sometimes I wouldn't even make it and the fear I was feeling as my Dad and/or Mom would beat me, I'd be so scared and felt so alone that I'd not even make it to the bathroom and I'd pee my pants. Yup, true confession. Not worthy of keeping a Man-card for sure. But I wasn't a man at the time. I was only in single digits age at the time. I do recall the times I was able to make it to the bathroom, I'd cry while peeing. I was no way religious as a kid of course but I sure as hell prayed to God at the time. I remember it still. My prayers? I wished my parents dead. Yes, pretty sick when you're a kid and you want your parents dead. After a year or two of this, my prayers weren't answered. So I instead prayed for my death instead. Again, after a few years, I found out that this too wasn't being answered.

As a teen, I told myself I'll never have kids because I already knew this stuff is passed on from generation to generation. Besides, living in Hawaii, there were way too many things to do on that island. People say you go stir crazy being on a rock but nope, I found ways to enjoy myself even though I had next to nothing as far as money.

That was in the past. Fast forward to a few years back, I was now a Dad to two kids. Scared I'd turn out to be an a-hole like my parents but one day, I noticed my Son was giving his undivided love to me as a Dad. Like a puppy that is just full of love. I'm not comparing my kiddo to a puppy. I'm just saying he loved me for what I was no matter what. The girl too but the boy had a bigger heart. Anyway, whatever I would have been due to my parents, my kiddo boy broke that and I have to admit, I became a pretty dang good Dad.

Of course, the benefits of being poor has it's advantages for my kiddos. Christmas presents for me growing up? I could count them with my two hands. This is from 0-17 yrs old. Yup, that few. So of course, presents for the kiddos? At least a dozen each. Ranging from iPads, kindles, PS, Xbox, and many many more. Things I didn't have and the kiddos now got. My friends say that I spoiled the kids like no other person they ever saw. I say..."Yup". When these kiddos grow up, they won't feel the pain on not having for sure.

But alas, all good things come to an end. The Mom just left and whisked them away forbidding any contact at all. No email. No text. No WhatsApp, etc, etc. For my sanity, I simply say... "can't fix stupid" and keep my life as positive as I can.

I almost threw some of my kiddo's messages away but decided to keep them. I'm just glad I got to have a positive impact on them for at least a few years. Hopefully they grow up with the few good traits I have and that they inherited those traits too.

Anyway, my a-hole boss just stirred me up in just the right way to get me going and for all this stuff to bubble up. He of course will not be getting anything from me this Christmas. hehe. 😈 Self improvement had to take a backseat today for me to reflect and vent out just a tad. The only good thing about it is that I had an extra gear in me today at the gym.