Being Sam
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2021-05-12 18:43:37 (UTC)

Not sure how it went there, but it did.

Its been a weird week. A little emotional to be honest. One minute I've cried because my best friend lost her baby, the next I've had a pity party over first World problems and somewhere in between I've laughed my head off during ridiculous conversations.
Soo, a mixed bag.

Last week me and Chris (work husband and probs best guy friend who would be over the fucking moon if he knew I'd admitted that haha) were talking about stupid shit we did when we were younger and this somehow led to him telling me about how him and his friends used to rate the girls they were with out of 5 stars in different categories. (Side note: boys can be pigs! Lol) so things like effort/participation, filth/naughtiness, quantity, body, blow job, overall....I'm not condoning it but god did it make for one hilarious conversation! I'm always down to talk about anything and everything and like to think I'm a pretty laid back and open person but at the same time, I have this inner prude that just gets so flustered and embarrassed even when I try not to so it's become a little running kind of joke to basically make me blush...queue Chris saying "obviously you'd have been getting 5 stars with the filth you're into" ...harmless comment to wind me up...aaaaaand I was bright red which apparently just looks like some kind of silent agreement rather than mortification and I couldn't look anyone in the eye for a while. Who the fuck blushes at 30 years old?
To be honest...I don't think I'm particularly adventurous but I'm always willing to give something a try if Dean wants it and I don't hear any complaints.

If we're talking ultimate secret fantasies...I'd probably pick being watched. Not sure why or if it would be good in reality but the idea is hot. So yeah, I don't think I'm a total bore or a 2 star kinda girl lol

Aaaaanyway I came home thinking, you know what, I'd give myself a solid 4 stars to be fair. 5 in blowjob because those skills get heavily practiced so anything under top marks would be an insult haha and a definite 5 stars for effort but I'm not into anything overly 4 stars felt fair. (And no, I don't know why or how I've somehow brought this teenage boy rating system back from the past but I have and it's done)

Came home and told Dean...we had a good laugh and he goes "what did you rate yourself? you're probably a 3 on average yeah?" A THREE!
OH THE SHADE. He did then go on to say its a 5 for the blow job...but "quantity" brings down my average. And suddenly we're not joking anymore, I'm offended and not laughing because he is literally the only married man I know that doesn't have to go longer than 3 days without some attention.
Ungrateful little shit.

I'm not being crazy and sulking over it and he did say he was kidding and had no complaints but I will admit a teeny part of me felt shitty and also a little worried that maybe there are some things he wants that I don't do.

I find it crazy how one minute you can be laughing and joking and think everything is completely fine and then the next you're doubting yourself, your actions and your feelings. If there was a pill you could take to make you 50% less emotional, I would take it.

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