Becoming quietly confident
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2021-05-11 03:17:27 (UTC)

Sinks and cursing and being shy

Saturday with some pounding, cursing and bolt cutters I did manage to get the faucet off my sink. I see now why my husband refused to do it. He was amazed I was able to get it off. Why do they make those suckers so hard? Anyway because I got it off and because the next day was Mother’s Day and he was looking to make me happy, he installed the new faucet I bought a few months ago. And now it’s all pretty instead of the crazily rigged thing we had going on before.

Mother’s Day was happy, my kids ran around getting stuff for me and their grandmas and we had pizza together.

My husband and I have had few days off together recently. I’m learning the trick to getting him friskier is to challenge him to no screen time when we both have some time at home. Still no sex, but there has been a lot of mutual orgasms and cum on naughty places.

Work has been calm and happy the last two days. I feel like I did well on all the projects I had to complete for customers.

This morning driving to work I realized I no longer care if people like me. I didn’t really realize that I cared before. It’s an odd thing to figure out and it’s freeing to let go of. It’s the same kind of freeing that I found when I decided I didn’t have to talk to store employees who are trained to ask you ‘are you finding everything all right?’. I find it really really annoying when they ask this every aisle of the grocery or hardware store. I find it hard to answer them. One particularly insistent employee (who is probably an amazing and perceptive person) asked me if I needed any help. I barely managed to quietly answer no, he asked me if I was sure cause I didn’t sound sure. I mumbled something and walked away. I came back to that same aisle at the end of my shopping to check for the item again only to find him also in that aisle again. This time he was asking me and he knew full well that I needed help. He told me ‘not to be shy’. Does that ever fucking work? Telling a shy person not to be shy? Like they can help it. I shook my head no and left the store. From that day on I no longer talk to store employees. Yes, this is the stupidest thing, I know. But I can barely say no and go on my way let alone actually ask. So I decided I no longer can hear their question. I’m sure I look like a snob or something but not answering is my only way to be comfortable. I already don’t handle stores well. I do manage to handle conversation at work, even with strangers, because they are asking impersonal stuff about things I know a lot about. They ask some of the same questions over and over. Every now and then I get uncomfortable but I can usually stumble my way through. I’ll deal with uncomfortable for work I guess. (ETA: actually thinking about this most of my conversations are over text or email at work, I have kind of a standard script for customers, and among my co-workers I am known as the quiet one... so it follows me here as well, it just doesn’t interfere too much, thankfully).

Deciding today that I no longer care what people think is the same kind of freeing as not answering questions. They are going to like me or not. I almost prefer they didn’t.

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