Third 👁️ Eye Spy
I can't read through the diaries on this site (except for three) because of all the whinging that is written. Complaining, poking fingers, blaming, woe is my shite.
So you're getting misery's out, writing about all what is crap in and around your world. Getting it off your chest, consoling yourself, and yet that's all you do. Whinge, complain, poke fingers and keep longing for what could be.
You are not working on yourselves. You are avoidant. I get why you evade it because it's fucking hard to face your shit; Your demons. But, to view your darkness, see it for what it is that will most likely leave you in a crumbling mess. Far more than the teary whinging and blaming game. It'll leave you the truth you don't want to see, screaming and fleeing from it. You know this because you realized you created the whinging and blaming game when you've touched upon your darkness before. You are the cause of your downfalls, your decisions in life, your actions and reactions, your behaviour. You did all that.
It's challenging to face the shittiness inside you, and it is only hard to change it if you don't accept the dickhead inside you. So I get it, you think it's easier, lazier to carry on making the same shitty mistakes, same complaints, and pointing the finger. You like creating patterns because you're so used to the emptiness and being unfulfilled that it has become your comfort zone, and yet, nothing changes. So you still carry on whinging and complaining like little whiny bitches.
Growth is only tricky if you keep living the same pattern.
On a happier note, lol, the next stage of psychological taming has begun with Bumble. Before, Mr & Mrs opinionated jumps in my message box, instead go fuck a priest and then sing me a song, failing that my pet donkey is always up for a challenge. Forward me your address :)
After last night's date, I didn't text Bumble that evening, neither this morning and would have remained absent until he contacted me; my view nowadays is, "It is what it is". I'm happy to let go; my mental commentary is comfortable in my own company, my mind is configured to see opportunities because I set it that way, so I don't feel a need to hold on to things/people. I don't feel guilty when I choose to stop doing something, and my choices lead me to new ventures. I will only give stability and time to those who invest it back into me.
But Bumble did as I expected he might. After all, I have steered him in this direction; he feels he needs me now. So he texts me at 8.30 am, "Good morning, bonnie bumble (kiss emoji). Are you okay?" I smiled, and I replied, an hour later, "Good morning, Bumblebee. I am great! How are you? Working hard?" He doesn't usually work on a Sunday, but he said he would fit his sister's friends wardrobe; he makes the whole wardrobe. Bumble replies straight away, "Excellent! I had a good time last night (smiley emoji). Yes, should be done by 11, and then I'm going out for a ride on Harley." We text a little bit more, and then I responded to Ed. He wanted to know how it went last night, so I told him. Paul has messaged and asked the same. I'll ring Phil later and have a chat. He wants an update.
I'm not excited by Bumble, and it would make things better if he didn't have a load of muddy shit in the background. Also, the two-year-old kid is a dampener for me. I don't want me step-mummy again, fkn draining. I am considering going back to the dating site on a sideline to see what other sexy people are out there.
I think I'll masturbate and take a nap now..... I love my life :))