Echo

C'est La Vie
2021-05-07 23:13:22 (UTC)

A love like that.

Been talking to Grant all day. He got all excited when his ex, the girl he dated after me, messaged him. Pretty obvious he still holds feelings for her, otherwise he wouldn't be so obsessed with how he appears to her.

I always wonder what it would be like, just to be loved like that? No one I've ever dated had serious feelings for me. It was like I was just some girl to fuck and that was about it. They didn't actually like who I was or what I was interested in. They wanted to mold me into someone else, someone who their family would 'like'. I'm not gonna change myself to make you or your family feel better, if you don't fucking like it, leave. I'm opinionated, abrasive, stubborn. Not sugar & spice. I'm not the prettiest person out there either. I don't care to date anymore, I've been single for nearly two years now, as I watch everyone get engaged and married. I don't think I ever will, I cannot trust someone like that. People are disappointing, and they'll cheat on you, destroy you for fun, and leave. For many people they add kids to that mix too. I know I'm definitely never having kids, pregnancy would kill me, but if I made it through that I still would not be able to take care of them properly. My family has finally stopped bothering me about it since my diagnosis though. I was their last hope so to speak, since all of my cousins are in their 30's and childless, I wonder why? Wouldn't be because of family is dysfunctional or anything.

Still wonder what a love like that would be like.. someone who wants you despite how awful things get for the both of you, and loves you unconditionally. Must be nice. I see a lot of people I knew who are paring off and getting married. At 22 nonetheless. But enough of that, it's time to sleep.




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