👁️ Bandersnatch 👁️

Through the Looking-Glass
2021-05-07 22:43:58 (UTC)

While up my ladder......

I am sitting at my desk writing this wearing just a kimono and naked thereafter that, as I used a hand muff (lol, the word muff always makes me chuckle - so cute) to apply a layer of bronze to my body after sweating to some kick-arse tunes on the treadmill for my run and smoothing my body in the shower, so I am silky for tomorrow. My daughter did my back for me, and my kimono slipped off me, and I said, "Oops, don't mind my bum" lol she replied, "I don't care about seeing your bum."

I know, I know! I said I wouldn't sleep with him, but there is always a possibility and.....well, we'll see. I'll see how it goes.

I know every woman, including my best friend who is ULTRA opinionated about relationships, yet hers is a fkn mess, unloving and unconnected. They always say in a naggy whingy fuck-my-ears-with-steel-rods voice, "Don't sleep with him on the first date! Not for even the first few months." WTF! Fuck off. I can't do a FEW months if I'm drooling for his touch. Most likely a few dates, either! I'm a grown woman with exceptionally high sexual needs, which has never changed my entire life. Only fourteen years old was when it all began for me; Venus entered my soul and my loins exploding all over my knickers, lol...BOOOM! I was off on one, LMAO. I have experimented, consensually and non-consensually, and all have taught me much in life.

In general, I am not promiscuous, and I'm not too fond of casual things. Still, I am in an era of my life whereby I have given everything to my former long term relationships, and everything doesn't cut it. I was doing it all wrong in so many ways. Now, I am doing it the right way, and again, it is taught behaviour, actions, reactions learned by the tainted people that have been in my life and are still in my life—Mr B, Mum, Best friend etc. So for now, I am flowing (LOL) omg, the shit that makes me laugh. One day, actually no, no days will I ever stop reading sexual connotations in anything standardized or routine. I'm not typical, lol. Bumble is a bit afraid of me because I am so free speaking at the same time he finds it funny.

If my friends' advice to not shag a guy on the first date or any date for months was pliable, that would only be if I wanted to make a long-term thing with the guy, and clearly, I don't, lol. So that bit of shit advice from people with shit relationships isn't for me, and although I am polite and lovely to them for their caring retarded advice, I pay no heed to it.

Listen, if a guy is really into you. It doesn't matter if you fuck him the first time you come together or months down the line. He will still want to explore more with you. He is still going to like you for all the different parts that make you who you are. He isn't only into your vag and bumsex. He is into your humour, your mind, your outlook on life and all sorts of other things. IF you fuck him and he jumps on a pogo stick and bounces onto Mars, then it's whatever; who cares? Carry on with life and give him no more thought. It's simple.

Only needy people who haven't yet discovered themselves truly, hold on to what can be or was. Picking tiny weeny itty bitty little things from hardly fuck all and imagine them to be unique, great wonderful things they miss. That my lovelies is called Validation! And that proves you need to find your own love within yourself and sort your life out, so you are comforted by your environment and company. Then you will see things with new eyes.

I hadn't spoken to Bumble via text for a whole two hours or so while I was giving myself some self-love (workout, smoothing, bronzing etc.). He must've missed me, lol, as the last message he sent me was, "You can call if you want in a bit." I thought, "in a bit?" what does "in a bit" actually denote, though, in a few minutes, in an hour, four hours, tomorrow? So I replied, "No, if you want to talk to me. You can call me in a bit. What does "in a bit" mean timewise though? How long is "in a bit"? lol." He replied, "Okay, I'll call you shortly." But when he called, my phone was downstairs while I was upstairs, having my back bronzed by my lovely, helpful daughter. Love that girl so much. My baby spawn, lol, although she isn't so small now, sixteen this year!

It made me laugh when I first joined the hiking group, a woman who is a teacher tried to belittle me in front of the men that were walking perfectly in line with my arse behind me, and she said, "So, T, you have a fifteen-year-old daughter." then she looked at me funny, I reply, "yes, that's right. She says in a bitchy tone, "Really, so umm, how old were you when you had her?" I knew what cunty angle she was coming at, but it's cool because I come out triumphant to the old fkn mutt. I said, "I was 27 when I had my daughter." she said, "No way!" and then men did this breathing thing, whatever that was, and one said, "So-so, how old are you?" and the teacher olf fkn mutt woman said, "Yes, how old are you?" I said, "Oh, I'm 42." Her eyes went wide, and a tinge of cuntiness flickered across her eyes; LOLOLOL, she says, "Noooooo! You're not 42. I would have said your more late 30's" and one guy said, "No, early 30's" and another guy said, "I thought you were in your late 20s." Oh, you beautiful fkn lot, I lurve YOU! Lmao....Yeah, the old mutt was put down and shut-the-fuck-up since.

Dear, Jesus. Bumble hasn't stopped texting while I am trying to write this. Carpenter to carpenter, can you shut him up for five bloody minutes, please.

I told Bumble on the phone earlier that my dad bought me a fantastic drill and has been teaching me building technics so I can kit out my house as I am on my own. We joked about carpentry, and I said, If I was a carpenter, I hire a load of fit labourers and tell them I need bottom support while up my ladder. That tickled him. It also proceeded to my telling him my work is giving me a loft ladder. He said, "Get it, and I'll fix it for you," I said, "Will you drop your screws though? I'm good at retrieving those, especially when they get stuck in awkward places and I really have to bend to find them." he said, "Yes, I drop screws ALL the time!"