Rain

Numbers and colors
2021-05-07 16:55:00 (UTC)

1 Golden

Last night I had the most amazing and healing conversation. all of my past sexual trauma has been laid out and understood. i can understand what kind of a human being I am a little more. psychology is a very interesting subject. i talked about all the small sexual encounters as a child i had with various people and it all lead up to "the Big one" and I can finally say that I can renounce some people in my life without feeling a sense of lost, dazed, or numb feeling. I can finally "label" those feelings and emotions I was holding onto for so long and understand what people were likely thinking at the time. talking about these things really put me in "their perspective" and I have a new confidence that those experiences are not of my own choices and they were there to either teach me something or it was necessary for my growth as a person to get me to where i am now and its as simple as that. I am not my own past experiences, but I am here now. understanding those experiences made me who I am today. I am not a sheltered little girl anymore. my parents never sheltered me with their protection. I believe I did. in order to protect myself from further contamination from the abomination that we call this world. in fact, I would say they threw me into the world as an egg and watched me hatch in the mud. a tiny little seed from heaven in the mud, watch that little sucker grow in the darkness and see what it amounts to. this seed is a lotus, and gahd damnit im gonna bloom. not just at the water, im gonna grow tall and push myself until my little flower bud reaches far into the heavens of safety until my flower bud pops open to reveal a sight to behold. only then can I see the true colors of humanity and the dual-essence of life.

that flower is for one person.

Me.

and anyone who is worthy will feast eyes upon me.




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