Third 👁️ Eye Spy
Subconsciously Conscious Fucky Stuff
From all the destructive loved ones that have been a part of my life - I thank you. I have learnt so much from you; those dark, manipulative, psychological fuck-with-the-head tactics have subconsciously ingrained within my conscious. During my studies (out of interest) of the deep psychological fuck-up textbooks, I realise I already do a lot of that without consciously knowing I sometimes do.
It's because of all of you, Mr B (the greatest of all destroyer's). My dear old fucked up mum (the dark and twisted). My best friend (lost soul unaware of her tactics). My ex-boyfriend of six years (textbook narcissist) It's because of all of you beautiful people that when 'my ex guy came along, I was wholly aware of what he was doing and counteracted his degree in psychology without much effort LMFAO.
I love you all in a weird thankful way. Except for my ex-boyfriend, because he hurt my baby girl. I'll happily burn him on a stake wedged up his arse. However, there is no need for physical violence or hatred towards him because I already fucked him up in ways that mattered to him most, and now he is in mega debt, with a fat bird and five kids. That's torture enough, lol.
Bumble and I have sorted what we're doing tomorrow when we meet. However, I am not fucking him on the first date (but I might). You know me, I don't care what others think; if it feels good and I want him, I'll take him and leave him wanting more. First date or whatever, mostly I will spend time knowing them a bit first before a date, though, so it's not just jumping into bed with the next aids victim. I am a clean woman and like to keep it that way, the filth comes from my mind and usually all over him if I want him, lol.
I am confident in my sexual prowess, enticement and intimacy. One thing I came to know years ago is that I am the essence of feminine seduction; it oozes, and it's like a light, I turn it on. BUT, it's only sexual desires, fantasies and intimacy, when it comes to relationships, hmm, that's entirely different, and I am not as adept in maintaining those. Mainly because of what I need in a guy. He needs to be a bit psycho also calm and isn't constantly searching for more. Yes, that impossibility is a knife through my heart, but I've accepted my ideal isn't real.
So far, the progress with Bumble regarding psychological taming is that he is now turning to me as a source of emotional comfort, for validation and a place of sanity (lol) and solace WHILE getting hardons left right and centre thinking of me. He revisits my photos every day/night to explore himself (if you get my drift :)) Any amount of distance I create, he runs for me becomes concerned about where I am and what I am doing. He is excited to meet me tomorrow, suggesting we don't just go for that walk, but a pub after and then chill at mine, mentioning he has no expectations to do anything with me, even though he would like to that he respects me and doesn't want to mess anything up.
This is coming from a man who is ultra-fit, with a good business head, dated beautiful women (that he said were dead in the head) and is ultra-masculine and yet, with me, he is gentle and affectionate—wanting me to meet his friends already—also suggesting us going away to America together as he also has a friend out there.
Anyhoo, I am not snagged into the web, but I am enjoying the flow of it. Of course, it all depends on how things develop, and I'm watching and paying attention. I am not losing control of what I want and do not want, and I am prepared with the same mindset as I had with 'my ex guy' that he may have to move out the way if it goes that way.
Feeling tired again, keep losing track of all the things I do in a day. My run's boost me though....definitely doing a run in a bit.
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