secret

Becoming quietly confident
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2021-05-06 21:58:21 (UTC)

My husband


We are distant, my husband and I, I have tried for years to bring him closer, I don’t know how. We have talked, I have demanded, we have fought. He knows there is an issue and it’s based around his screen time use and his hoarding behaviors don’t help. It has been a long long time since we have had sex. He mumbled something one night recently about needing to be a better husband and father. He is so gentle and kind though. When I challenge him to something better he tries but then is sucked right back into his patterns. He hoards money, food, and refuses to acknowledge anything that needs maintenance. His side of the room is stacked floor to ceiling with bins that he is forever trying to sort through. The rest of the house is clutter free because I organize and slowly sneak things out to a shed and then eventually to the dump and because I outright give away things that he buys in multiples once he has forgotten about them. Emotionally my husband is a good man. He is a better person than me. Steady. Works a good good job. Loves me. But I feel like I’m living life separate of him. It is a challenge. One I’m actually pretty geared for, I tend to be independent, but I have needs that do not get met. And I’m trying to reconcile how to deal with all of that without losing it completely.


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