Being Sam
2021-05-05 18:18:00 (UTC)

Its not fair

Life is honestly bullshit sometimes.

I got pregnant at 17 and had an abortion and had another at 18 before getting pregnant with Izzy at 19.
At the time, I remember hating Dean for basically pushing me to do it and for a long time afterwards I questioned whether it was the right thing to do and still sometimes wonder what those babies would have been like and how different my life could have been with them in it. But now enough time has passed I know it was the right thing because I wasn't ready and I love the 2 girls I have to pieces.

Today Sara called to tell me the doctors confirmed her baby has 2 organs on the outside of its body and a deformed spine and so they agreed to terminate. At 17 weeks pregnant. After over a year of them trying to get pregnant and knowing Sara for 26 years, knowing she's always wanted to be a mum, it just feels fucking shit. There I was, getting accidently knocked up like an idiot and aborting, then getting pregnant without a worry in the world...and here's my best friend, trying her hardest and the world gives her this? Life decided she needs to give birth to her baby 23 weeks early because it has next to no chance of survival so "better to end it now"
Its bullshit.
Its so so so fucking sad and awful and I wouldn't wish it anyone and I HATE when people say this but why do bad things always happen to the best people? I don't know anybody that would make a better mum than her and this is what she has to do? It's not fair.

I just feel so sorry for her and I hate that it's not been easy for her or that it wasn't something they could have fixed. I hate how out of our control it all is and that this will stay with her forever

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