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2021-05-05 08:34:22 (UTC)

Feeling bummed out😟

Not sure why I feel what I'm feeling this morning but yeah... feeling not so positive and bummed out. Can't put my finger on it. Might be a combination of things and I haven't assessed as to why I'm feeling this way. I know of some of my concerns but I thought I'm handling it. Like everyone else in this world, we can't quite live perfect lives and there are also not so good times to trudge through. Maybe I've been reading a few more people's diaries on here and except for my sweetie (You know who you are), a lot of peeps are really depressed and hurting. Maybe that's what's dragging me down too? I dunno. A few posts i can relate to because I've been there and done that too. So when I read them, it gives me flashbacks of the past. Some not so good. But it can't just be that.

Perhaps it's because I took a hiatus from the gym for 4 days when I went camping for the weekend. Maybe those chemicals released during workouts play a bigger role to me than I thought even though I already know the benefits of working out.

Maybe it's because I chatted with the ex wife this month. Well, texts chat anyway. Didn't miss her so much but I do miss the kids and I haven't seen them in about 4.5 years now maybe? They ended up being step kids (Long story from the past). I can brush off what I used to feel for the ex wife but try as I might, I'm not strong enough to forget the kiddos. I have to admit I still love them and I don't think my feelings for the kiddos will go away anytime soon.

Perhaps it's the news I heard yesterday that one of our gyms in Rocklin CA closed down. I did notice some new people in the gym these past few days but for sure weren't rookies. Sad that an honest business had to shut down one of it's places. But the gym I'm at is still around. One of the senior workers there told me a year ago that if any of the gyms we have survive, the one I'm going to will be one of two last man standing gyms because the buildings were bought and not leased. Still sad that one gym closed. Not a positive thing for the people who live there. They now have a longer commute.

I wish I knew why for sure I'm feeling bummed out. Nothing to do but take it one step at a time and enjoy the peaks of life again when it comes to me. Of course, I will keep trying to not just expect peaks to come but find ways to create or find it. BTW, my upper body and some lower body muscles are now hurting from Monday's and yesterday's workouts. Talk about one step at a time. I only referred to saying that for life crap. Now I can apply it to actual physically walking too. Ouch!! hehe. Well, I abused my work enough already. I'm supposed to be working but wanted some extra zen time to try to shake this stuff off of me. later diary

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