Gentleman ♀

I Didn't Notice

Hello,

(WARNING: this is literally just me ranting and a lot of unfinished thoughts) This time I'm just going to get to the point, I don't know what's wrong with me but everyone seems to notice something IS wrong. I've always been a quiet kid but on my soccer team, I barely talk. To the point where they always make jokes about how quiet I am and I think one of the substitute coaches had a suspicion I was mute till I told them I liked to play defense. Speaking of defense, according to my mom I always stand in a defensive position that makes people think I don't want to talk to them. I told her it was true and I don't want to talk to them but she got mad and told me that was my problem. I don't think she likes me as much as she says she does. I don't blame her though, I kinda like to see her mad. Don't get me wrong I don't "like" it when she's mad but it makes me feel almost happy and I usually hum around the house and just try to ignore her. I know it's weird and probably not good but whatever. I also have a weird, strong, hatred for my dog. Not to the point of animal abuse or anything like that, I would never. I just don't let her in my room or give her any table scraps. I don't think she likes me either though because whenever I sit on the same couch as her she gets up. My mom definitely likes the dog more than me and my sister. Whenever the dog scratches Hailey to the point of blood with her nails and Hailey pushes her to try and get away my mom always yells at my sister for pushing the dog and how it was an accident and all that. I get it she didn't mean to but Hailey is bleeding and my mom just doesn't care. Once about a half-hour after bedtime (I was still awake because my mom, dad, and sister were still awake fighting while I snuck on my phone), she came in to say goodnight to me but she quickly segued off about how my dad was mad at the dog and she decided to show me what he did by physically grabbing my head from the bed and violently shaking me saying that if I didn't like it then why would the dog. I figured she was overexaggerating and pushed her off me and told her I didn't care what the dog did or what Dad did or whatever happened and that I just wanted to go to sleep. I think then she realized she had "woken me up" just to shake me and go away so she did what I said and left my room closing the door behind her. I think I have a good enough reason to hate the dog. My entire family has anger issues, my mom and sister getting annoyed easily and are overdramatic and hypocritical while my dad and I are... a bit more violent as well as sarcastic. Once again not violent in an abusive way, he'll give us a slap on the arm if we piss him off or I'll push my sister if she gets on my nerves. Well this got off topic quickly. Anyways, I also used to have sleepovers with my friends twice every weekend. Then once per weekend, then once every other weekend, then I just stopped. I don't want to have sleepovers, or hang out after school, or even text them. They used to tease me for always being able to text for hours on end but now they're lucky if I answer in a day. It's not like I don't hang out with them at all, we see each other every day at lunch and I'm in most classes with Avery. I just like being by myself when I get home. I like going home, locking myself in my room, turning the lights out, and blasting my music in my ears. It sounds like some angsty teenager phase but it makes me happy so whatever. Oh god I just realized I'm practically the face of an angsty teen O-O I blast depresso music in my ears, lock myself in my room, prefer the lights off, stay up all night, and read fanfic (not the gross/weird kind, more like unreleased episodes). Well, I guess I am on the inside. On the outside, I'm a mid-sized, no makeup, shy yet bubbly, pixie cut, backward hat, sox-less slip ons' and overall-wearing kid. Not exactly your stereotypical goth XD. I prefer sweaters to flannel thanks. I guess I kinda scare myself sometimes, I don't want to be any stereotype I just want to be me. Or maybe that's the problem... I don't want to be me. I used to think I liked the shows I do because of the character's emotional trauma or some mental shit like that but now I see why. They were all normal people who had their lives completely changed quickly and now they have to adapt to the adventure. In spiderman peter parker is a normal kid before he gets bit by a spider and now he has to be a superhero too. In Supernatural, the brothers used to be normal people till their mom died than they were hunters and when that got normal their dad died and they figured out they were literally chosen to start the apocalypse. In Last Kids On Earth, the four kids were normal till the zombie apocalypse started and now they have to survive. In Amphibia (not my favorite show but I watched it for a while) the girl was normal till she magically teleported into a world of frogs. Even in Stranger Things, they were normal till they uncovered a human weapon, government conspiracy, and a literal other world. It makes sense now that I think about it. I'd give almost anything to have a more exciting life full of danger and drama and- OUGH I wish. But I might as well re-explore this world for the 109838439th time in a row just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I can't wait till I'm old enough to get a car -_- whatever I'll write again soon. See yall!

~Gentleman