Diary book

2021-05-04 21:16:00 (UTC)


Today I found out that my feed is going to be increased tomorrow witch means MORE calleries , when I found thi ot I completely freaked out , had a panic attack and couldn't controle my reaction , the staff was very nice and tried to calm me down , I have had a lot of prn today .
Today has been full of so many emotions I have ever spent my time crying or sent my time sleeping it off , I'm so emotionly tired , The calarey increase is such a fear of mine , I had the choise to ether eat over the weekend or have my feed increased and I picked the 2nd opton as I noin my head I'm not ready to eat .
n Monday I have to eat lunch witch terafies me I don't feel ready at all , I'm tryig to controle my emotions and the way they come out but I cant seam to do this , I had a session with my pherepist today and I explained I don't no what I want anymoremy emotions are everywhere and I don't no what I want and what the so called ed wants . I'm still struggling to believe that I'm " ill" and that I " need help " if anyone has any tips on how to come to the realisation that would be apresheated .
I should be able to see my boyfriend this weekend but I double find out tomorrow , I'm worried that I have messed up being able to go out with him on saterday sunday Monday , I would leave after my feed and come back for my feed or lunch on Monday . It would be good to see him abit of normalisation , I want to see him outsde of the hospital not inside the hospital . so I really really hope my consoltent hsnt changed his mind .

I don't no what to do about this increase tomorrow I'm so so worried and upset over it , as I don't really understand how much there increasing it , there changing the speed of the feed as well witch scares me It makes me feel sick every time they speed the feed up but it has to be done .